


Green Eyes

by mssldiaz



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst, Bullied Harry, Domestic Fluff, Drunk Louis, Enemies to Lovers, Family Fluff, Football Player Louis, Harry Styles is Marcel, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kid Fic, Lawyer Harry, M/M, Mpreg, Nerd Harry, One Night Stands, Pregnant Louis, Prom Night, Single Parent Louis, Smut, Sugar Baby Louis - if you squint, Teen Pregnancy, for a while, major time skip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-10 03:27:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 33,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3274973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mssldiaz/pseuds/mssldiaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prom Night - Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson sleep together, neither thinking of the consequences their actions can bring. Harry, wanting to feel alive for the first time in his life, and Louis, wanting the boy with beautiful green eyes, even if he doesn't recognize Harry as the boy he's tormented for years. Fast forward 7 years and there's a boy who looks like a carbon copy of Harry as a child. Harry and Louis took too long for their happily ever after, and both might be unwilling to fogive and forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love Songs Drug Songs

_"Play dead_   
_Roll over_   
_Stinking like sex in a range rover_   
_Bail out_   
_Baby you asked for it_   
_Pray that someone in the car got the cash for it_   
_Love songs_   
_Are drug songs_   
_We can get together if you understand me_   
_Blink twice_   
_Baby think twice"_

_-X Ambassadors "Love Songs Drug Songs"_

The seniors of the class of 2015 were squished and dancing against each other tightly at the center of the dance floor. The music was loud, the lights dim, and someone spiked the fruit bowl. It may or may not have been Zayn, Louis Tomlinson's friend and accomplice. But you'll have a hard time getting someone to snitch on them or even hint that it was them, for they literally ruled the school.

 

Its prom night and Louis Tomlinson, recently crowned Prom King, captain of the football team, and hands-down most popular guy in school, was drunk. He was completely pissed and every now and then tripping over chairs and other people. It was a disaster waiting to happen and at that exact moment, when trying to find his way back to his own table, Louis tripped on yet another chair, landing smack-dab on someones lap.

 

“Shit!” Louis giggled, wrapping his arms against the person under him to stop himself from crashing to the floor.

 

“Ow!”

 

“Sorry, mate...” Louis giggles trailed off and he turned to look at the boy under him. Gasping, he reached up to touch his face. “Holy shit... holy shit you have nice eyes. Like really nice eyes. They're... they're green. Grass green!” Louis giggled, clenching the boy's cheeks with his hands and cooing at him. It was obvious by the way Louis pupils were blown that he was high off of _something._

 

Harry though, was in a state of distress, not noticing anything but the smaller boy's ass currently sitting really close to his crotch. Louis Tomlinson, the fucking Louis Tomlinson who just yesterday led their school into winning this years football championships, currently is the most desired and envied guy in school, and not to mention, spent the past four years of Harry's high school life slamming him into lockers, is sitting on his lap touching his face. Does Louis not recognize him? How does one react to this? Does he push him off or...

 

He started panicking even more when his glasses were yanked off of him. “Ugh... but why do you wear these huge, absolutely hideous by the way, glasses?”

 

“No give them back! Please!” Harry gasped in surprise, trying desperately to reach for them, but Louis just jumped off of his lap and started backing away.

 

“No!” Louis laughed, having fun teasing and getting a reaction from the cute boy. Harry stood up as well and blindly began reaching for the glasses in Louis hands, face burning red in embarrassment for begging.

 

Louis walked backwards, stretching his arm behind him, as Harry kept following his movements, trying desperately to grab them. Due to Louis very low level of coordination at the moment, it took a mere three steps backwards for him to trip on his own two feet, bringing Harry down with him as the taller boy, in return, tripped on Louis' crashing body.

 

“Ahh!!” Harry shrieked, falling on top of Louis. He immediately put his weight on his arms and looked around. Frustratingly enough nobody was paying any attention, a fact in which actually saved Harry from further embarrassment. All the teachers were huddled in a small corner of the room talking amongst themselves, while all the students mingled and dance by the dance floor. The loud music making it impossible to hear any sounds coming from the two boys. Even worse, not a single person was nearby. Harry curses, angry at himself for always having to find the most secluded, shadowed spot to sit and be invisible. It usually always works in his favor, but of course Louis Tomlinson always finds him and has to ruin it.

 

Louis giggled and sighed in contentment, shifting his body from under Harry's. “Oh, this is much, much better.” He nuzzled his nose into Harry's neck, smiling at the smell of the green-eyed boys cologne.

 

Harry flinched back, and quickly rolled over.

 

“Hey!” Louis opened his eyes, angry. He turned and followed Harry's movements, draping half his body on top of Harry's. He locked his leg with one of his and circled his arms around his chest. Harry was stuck, and while he may be taller, he most certainly is not stronger. While Harry spent his time studying for tests and working at his fathers office, copying files and delivering coffee, Louis spent his days working out and playing football.

 

“L-look. Please.. please get off.”

 

Louis rolled his eyes, “Fine... I will. If...” Louis broke out in a mischievous smile and giggled. “If you give me one kiss.”

 

Harry's eyes widened. “What? A... a kiss?” 

 

Louis bit his lip and nodded, running his eyes from Harry's pink lips to his neck. He bent down and started showering the same neck with small open-mouth kisses.

 

“Ahh...” Harry gasped, looking around to see if anyone can see them. On the floor, they were blocked from everyone's point of view by the many tables decked out with floor length table-clothes. “Louis....” He bit his lip to stifle a groan as Louis bit down harshly and started sucking a mark on his neck.

 

When he finished with his artwork, Louis pulled back and smirked smugly at the angry red blemish on Harry's otherwise, spotless neck. Biting his lip, Louis eyes followed the long expanse of Harry's neck, the long tendons contracting when Harry arched his head to the side and his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. Louis blue yes met green, and he smiled, “So how about that kiss?”

 

Harry still thought this might all be a practical joke. There has to be a camera filming him somewhere, ready to capture Harry's moment of embarrassment. Then again, Louis seems to be the only one doing everything that seems remotely embarrassing, not Harry. Before he could psyche himself out even more, Harry quickly moved his face forward a few inches, meeting Louis lips in a small, chaste kiss. It was over before Louis' alcohol riddled brain could even process what happened. It was also over before Harry could fully enjoy himself, and all he was left with was a foreign memory of smooth lips on his own and an aching desire to find out more.

 

The smaller boy blinked in surprise and then pouted, “Not fair. I need a proper one.”

 

Harry just stared wide-eyed, half expecting Louis to finally recognize him and start freaking out after he kissed him.

 

Then he closed his eyes once again as Louis began to explore Harry's body with his hands. Embarrassingly enough, for everything Louis did, Harry reacted, his hands twitching to touch Louis back. Louis laughed, trailing soft fingers down his thighs and watching Harry try his hardest not to react. Louis bent down to kiss Harry on the mouth, but the lad under him just moved his head to the side, exposing his neck instead. Without missing a beat, Louis began once again to mark Harry, biting down at a particularly sensitive spot that had Harry almost bucking his hips. Louis fingers began loosening up Harry's black tie, but Harry stopped him.

 

Louis, finally fed up with Harry's squirming, lifted up his head. “Okay, I can literally feel your cock pressing up against my thigh.” Harry's face flushed red and his eyes widened. “So stop pretending you don't want me. Let's just cut to the chase, kay? I want you. You want me. Let's go.”

 

“Go?” Harry squeaked out. This was not happening to him.

 

Louis nodded and continued speaking as if he was talking to a child. “Yes. To go have sex. We're in a hotel, we can rent a room easily. Better yet, take me to my – to my house, yea. No ones home right now. Let's go right now.”

 

“But... but...”

 

“Come on. Live a little. We're young and this is supposed to be the night that you'll never forget.” Louis smiled coyly, his fingers dancing across his chest.

 

And there it is. The same thing Harry told himself the day he bought himself a Prom ticket – even when he had no one to go with, not even a friend.

 

Live a little.

 

Harry spent every day since primary school working his ass off to always finish first in his year, get the Valedictorian position, get accepted into the best universities, and land one of the biggest Law internships for the summer. He has worked non-stop, never catching a break to just be a teenager and now, two weeks until graduation, Harry realizes he's never gone to a football game, a sleep over or a party. Never even gotten drunk.

 

So, even though, he should say no, keep a tight grip on his dignity and tell Louis, his high school tormentor, to fuck off, Harry feels himself start to nod. “O-okay.”

 

“Yay..” Louis smiled, biting his lip.

 

Harry looked away from the adorable face, because his heart did that thing. That thing that it does whenever he has the misfortune to see Louis' bright smile. Because it just has to be bad luck on Harry's part that his high school bully be the single most beautiful person he ever laid eyes on. It's just not fair and adds emotional torture on top of the physical.

 

They both got up from the floor and started making their way to the exit, Harry making sure he had his keys and wallet nervously. By the time they made it to Harry's car, he had come up with 5 different ways to escape, but Louis just tightened his grip and pulled him along almost as if sensing his thoughts. 

 

Clearing his throat, Harry started up the engine, but didn't make a move. "Um, can, can I have my glasses back?" Louis just huffed and withdrew his glasses from the inside pocket of his suit. After putting them back on, Harry backed out of the parking lot, nervously glancing at Louis who was playing with his radio.

 

"Who do you have in hereeee...." Louis pressed the eject button for the CD and squinted at the title. "Ew... Fleetwood Mac. That's some department store shit."

 

Harry opened his mouth in horror as Louis threw his CD in the back and then began making a mess of things, looking for any type of music made in this decade. He gave up after a few minutes of not finding anything, and settled for giving directions to Harry.

 

It was about two blocks away when Louis grew tired of waiting and, at a red light, pounced on Harry. Catching the curly haired boy by surprise, he turned his face around and crashed their lips together. Louis breathed in Harry's mouth and his scent and everything he was giving. Plunging his tongue into his mouth, Louis moaned at the taste of peppermint and the feeling of tongues clashing in the warm, wet cavern. Harry gripped Louis neck and kissed back eagerly, a fog of lust clouding his head and successfully silencing all his doubts about tonight. Tonight all he wanted was more of Louis mouth and the feel of the rest of their skin finally touching. 

 

The rough and aggressive attitude Louis usually had towards Harry, must have extended to sex as well, because Louis was practically clawing at Harry's chest, wanting to take the bloody tie off, breaking more than a couple of buttons, and biting Harry's lip when he felt the boy start pulling away. Harry, eventually, did manage to pull away. "Louis... Louis the people behind us are beeping. I'm driving." He swallowed thickly as the car sped forward, and Louis just continued kissing his neck. 

 

"So drive." Louis whispered, giving Harry's ear a small kitten lick. Harry bit his lip and tried focusing on the street signs. 

 

Adams Lane... no.

 

Kilmer Street... no. Louis' hand began unbuttoning Harry's pants.

 

Merideth Street. ... Oh god, no. Harry muttered a small, "Shit." Louis had successfully withdrew his fully erect penis from his trousers and started to pump it slowly.

 

Louis pulled away from his neck to look down, smirking. “Oh my god, yes. You're so big.” Louis went back to his ministrations, all the while Harry tried his hardest not to come and make it safely to Louis house.

 

By the time, they stumbled into Louis bedroom a few minutes later, Harry was driven to the edge of coming twice before Louis backed up each time. Now that he's not obligated to pay attention to anything else but Louis sweet mouth and resourceful hands, Harry quickly took control, agitated and borderline angry at Louis.

 

He slammed the smaller boy on his bedroom door and grinded down on him, making Louis whine and arch his back. Harry took the initiative to remove Louis' clothes, throwing it behind him somewhere, while Louis removed Harry's glasses, throwing them somewhere as well. Kissing and biting wherever he could, and feeling the scratches Louis nails were making on his back, the taller one of the two kept grinding on him, the lust driving through their veins making them frantic and desperate in chasing pleasure.

 

“Lube... lube is right there.” Harry ignored him, and continued kissing the tan skin under him. Louis shifted to the left, trying to reach the drawer by his desk where the lube was hidden. A small, small part of Louis, hidden deep inside his subconscious was terrified of having sex with a man.He didn’t know how much prep he needed, all the porn videos he's seen had all the males fully experienced and loose. He only just recently came to terms with his sexuality last year and only came out to his close friends and family a couple months ago. Its not completely common knowledge Louis liked boys yet, so opportunities were scarce. If Louis wasn’t so drunk and high, he would have never proposed to sleep with the boy – he hadn't even known he was gay before he started making a move!  

 

Thankfully, that turned out in his favor. Now Louis knew this was going to hurt, like hell, but as he inched further away from the tall, mysterious boy, to finally wrap his fingers around the small bottle, he's never wanted anything more than he wants this.  

 

Louis was suddenly pushed towards the desk and flipped over, his hands pressed firmly on the flat of the desk. Pencils and books went tumbling down to the floor as Harry started yanking down both their pants to the floor. Louis gasped as his own swelled up cock was released from its tight confines. He felt Harry begin kissing his back, Louis almost moaning as his oversensitive skin felt the tip of his tongue with each kiss. The small click told him, Harry opened the bottle. Tensing, he waited anxiously for Harry to start fucking him.

 

Instead, he felt Harry move closer and his fingers press into his tight hole. “Are-are you a virgin?” Harry breathed, shocked.

 

Louis scrunched his face, throwing his head back as Harry's finger's started swirling against the rim and finally breaching just a bit inside. He moaned out a small yes to Harry's question when the taller boy behind him paused.

 

Harry took a deep breath. He's never been with another boy either, but he has fingered himself. He's experienced in what he knows makes him feel good, knows his body well, and how to control it. Louis, on the other hand, seems to not have done much of playing around with himself by the tightness Harry feels on his finger.

 

Louis, frustrated and mad at him for stopping just pushed back into him, pushing his finger in deeper. “Ahh...” Louis cries.

 

Harry raises his eyebrows, completely turned on. “Yea, this is definitely going to hurt you.”

 

“Well, make it feel good.” Louis demanded through gritted teeth, eyes still shut.

 

“Bossy.” Harry tutted, plunging the rest of his finger inside of Louis and, without stopping, continued to move in and out. Louis hissed and tensed up, biting his lip harshly. Harry just moved even closer to the smaller body and started caressing his back. Once Louis began rocking against his finger, he slowly added a second, making Louis cry out. He pressed himself against Louis and started biting at his neck, distracting one pain from another.

 

“Ahh... fuck you, dammit.” Louis whimpered, scrunching his face against the burning, unfamiliar sensation. He kept rocking back onto those long finger though, each brush against his prostate igniting a flash of pleasure up his spine. Louis swears he's seeing stars. “Just – just do it.”

 

Harry shook his head, “You're not ready.”

 

“I'm ready.” Louis whined, as Harry began scissoring him, opening him up even more. “Shit, that hurts... Look, come inside me right now, you fucking asshole. Fucking do it, don't be such a little bi-ahh fuck!”

 

Harry aligned himself with Louis' hole and pushed in, cutting off Louis ramblings. Why was he caring so much about how Louis was feeling anyways? Louis never spared a moment of consideration for Harry, so this is him returning the favor. Harry ignored Louis curses and continued to push himself inside, albeit slowly. Barely giving Louis a moment to adjust, he pulled back and slammed into him.

 

“FUCK!” Louis breathed out.

 

“Hmm...” Harry moaned in response, eyes closing at the amazing feeling. Gritting his teeth, he repeated the process over and over again, until Louis' groans of pain turned into screams of pleasure. Nails markings appeared on the desk, beads of sweat started covering both boys, and the rest of their clothes soon followed their pants on the floor.

 

“Fuck,” Louis breathed, into his arms. “Go faster... faster...”

 

Harry complied, angling Louis ass forward to finally end up hitting his prostate. Due to inexperience, Harry missed a few times, but definitely had fun exploring Louis body, searching and searching. Louis arched his back a few times and whimpered the few times Harry missed his spot, hitting nearby. He moaned when Harry grabbed his hair, pulling his head back to expose his neck and suck on his jugular. A few more thrusts inside Louis, and both were coming; Harry shooting straight inside Louis, not stopping his thrusting, and Louis collapsing fully on the desk filled with his cum.

 

“Fuck.. that – that was fucking amazing.”

 

“Yea...”

 

“How about we do this again on the bed this time, eh?” Louis smirked, looking back to meet green eyes.

 

Harry smirked and started making his way down the small, lithe body, licking his own cum dripping from Louis sensitive hole. “We will, in just a bit.”

 

_"And I look you in the eye_   
_You know this is the last time I'm_   
_Gonna put you back together_   
_Gonna put you back together (2x)"_

 

When Louis wakes up early in the morning it's to a pounding headache, a bitter taste in his mouth and his body completely sore. A dull ache in his hole was actually throbbing. Scowling, he opens his eyes only to shut them again with a groan. The strong sunlight streaming through his window was making his headache worse. Flipping around, he opened his eyes slowly once he felt it was safe enough on the other side of the bed.

 

The... empty bed.

 

Gasping, Louis shot up from his pillow. “OW, fuck!!” He scrunched his eyes shut and gripped his head with his hands. Bad idea, Louis, bad idea. Memories from last night slowly came to him. He had sex. wonderful, hot, sex...with a guy!

 

Louis has just recently come to terms with his sexuality, but was nowhere near ready to actually plunge into sex with a guy. He hasn’t even come out to his mother! He was halfway through coming to terms with the fact that he lost his virginity and barely remembers most of it, when his memory clicked into place one last time.

 

“Oh no... oh no no no.” Louis stares in shock at his wall across the room. He finally was able to put a name to the face dancing in his memory.

 

Harry Styles.

 

He fucked, actually he let himself get fucked by Harry Styles. The Mr. Know It All, vest and khaki-wearing, nerd of the decade, Harry Styles to be exact. Groaning, Louis buried himself into his bed in shame. He practically bullied the guy for the last four years and couldn’t even remember the same glasses he always made fun of in his drunken state.

 

Sighing, Louis looked around his room, looking at the mess they created last night. His stuff was thrown everywhere, his clothes all over the place, and god dammit why is his desk empty with all of it's items on the floor. Last night looked to be crazy, fun night and yet Louis remembers very little. Looking down at his body, he scowled at the bruises and hickeys all over his body. Fucking animal. Louis frowned, turning to see his bedside tables. No note.

 

At least Styles knows better than to stay the night and leave a phone number, Louis thought as he settles himself to bed once again and decided to fall back asleep.

 

Little does he know, that Harry did stay the night. That Harry had just left not even ten minutes before Louis woke up from the missing warmth. Harry, who had to untangle himself and fight to get away from Louis' tight grip.

 

 


	2. Unrequited

“So Louis, where did you go after prom? Mate, you didn’t even come to my party!”

 

Louis snapped his gaze from Harry's hunched form across the lunch room to look at Zayn Malik, Louis best friend. “Huh?”

 

Zayn narrowed his eyes at him, but continued, “After prom? Where did you go?”

 

Louis' heart skipped a beat. “Oh, um... El wanted to meet up.”

 

Wolf whistles and cat calls howled from their lunch table making the people from the surrounding tables turn to them instantly. It was the first excuse Louis could come up with, and he's quite proud of thinking it through so quickly. Eleanor was an older, Uni student who doesn’t have any friends in this school apart from Louis. Sure, she met them all at least once when he and her were a thing, but that was months ago. Now she's with Max and Louis couldn’t be happier for her, but was relieved to know no one from his circle knew about him yet. He was too drunk on Friday to drive and his friends could easily try to confirm with anyone if he left with anyone else. El was a safe choice, distant and realistic. That is, to everyone but Zayn, who knew Louis was gay.

 

Ignoring Zayn's narrowed stare, he turned back to Harry. Scowling, he noticed that even with all the commotion and loud yells coming from his direction, the boy didn’t turn to him once. Louis probably made his whole High school experience much more memorable and he doesn’t even have the tact to look at him.

 

Louis is slightly offended. Just slightly.

 

Turning back to his food, he shrugs. So what if the nerd doesn’t want to talk to him, better for him. Louis just wants to just forget about that night but as much as he tries, he can't forget about those green eyes. They haunt his every dream now and every time he closes his eyes. Green eyes, that were once obscured by those hideous glasses and invisible to him, used to mean nothing until recently. Now that he's gotten a good close up view of them on prom night... Louis was a goner from the start.

 

And that was far from alright. In three weeks time, he wasn’t ever going to see him again. It's best to just forget him and his stupid sparkly eyes.

 

The end of lunch was signaled by the bell. Louis gathered up his belongings, leaving his trash on the table for the Junior football players to clean, players who think they have what it takes to become starters next year. It was a part of the hazing ritual the Seniors on the team have been doing all year as a way to toughen them up and let them rule in their place next year. Louis and Zayn have already picked their favorites to take their place - Michael and Greg. So far they've taken their clothes from the shower, ripped up their homework, made them do their homework, and have ordered them to come to school dressed in the funniest costumes they can think of. Louis bets Greg is the one closest to a breakdown. It's how he knows Harry is a strong guy, dealing with Louis for far longer than any student, all four years to be exact. Keeping his eyes trained the curly haired student, he and Zayn followed him to the Gym locker rooms, all three sharing the next class together.

 

“My seniors, listen up!” Coach Wilson, the teacher in charge of the senior P.E. class at the moment, yelled out as he came out of his office to the students filing in. The Sophomores and Juniors ignored him and continued to their lockers. “As you only have a few more weeks left until you're out of here for good, many of the teachers have noticed that a lot of you decided to start slacking off! We suggest you get rid of your senioritis and not get too comfortable just yet, there is still time left for you to fail. With that said, get dressed for free swimming today!”

 

Many of the kids cheered and went to the lockers, while Louis groaned.

 

“You're not going to change? Why?” Zayn asked curiously, opening his locker and taking off his shirt. Louis just shrugged and shifted uncomfortably on his feet. How does he explain that he can't swim because his chest is filled with hickeys and and his hips with fading bruises? He's lucky to finally be able to walk properly, remembering his whole Saturday spent in bed because he walked too awkwardly and flinched whenever he sat down. Standing on his tippy toes, he tries looking for Harry in the sea of students but couldn’t find him.

 

“Come on, Louis, let's go.” Zayn clapped him on the back and they started making their way to the swimming pool. Once Louis entered through the huge double doors, he saw Harry sitting on the bleachers, still fully dressed and with a notebook on his lap.

 

Zayn bid his goodbye, but not without smirking at Harry's direction and wagging his eyebrows at Louis. “Don't throw him, or his bookbag into the pool without me, okay.” Laughing, he turned around and jumped straight into the pool.

 

Scowling Louis waited until Zayn's head broke the surface of the water, to call out, “Be careful, Zaynie! Stay within the shallow water, you know you can't swim properly!”

 

Zayn just stuck out his middle finger, then flinched at the loud screech of Coach Wilson's whistle. Snickering, Louis walked over to the bleachers, remembering the amount of time spent at the lake last summer trying to get Zayn to swim. The boy sunk like lead the first 100 times before he could get the hang of it. As he moved closer to Harry, he notices that they're the only students sitting out today.

 

“You can't possibly wear turtleneck everyday, you know. It's like 90 degrees outside.” Louis says softly, sitting down one bleacher directly above him.

 

Harry ignored him and continued to scribble down in his notebook. What on earth could he even be working on? All they have been doing in class is reviewing for the finals and most teachers have given up assigning homework altogether.

 

Louis tried to talk to him again, “You're not hot in that?”

 

“Well, I don’t own any make up.”

 

Louis blushed, his hand coming up to his neck where his own hickeys were covered. He mumbled something incoherently that had Harry finally glance back at him and ask, “What?”

 

“Sisters.” Louis cleared his throat, shifting under Harry's gaze for the first time today. “I have a lot of sisters.” Harry turned back around to continue writing, but Louis just continued talking. “Five of them, well one's a baby so she... she doesn’t count. It'll be a long while before she can wear any make up. And well, technically, I have six sisters, a half sister that lives somewhere in...” He trailed off the last few words hopelessly, watching Harry close his notebook in annoyance and stand up from his seat. He watched as Harry made his way towards Wilson, his eyes lingering on his khakis, where he knew hid a great pair of long legs.

 

He watched the two talk until Wilson smiled and nods his head. From where Louis is sitting, Harry smiled back and (might have) said, “Thanks.”

 

His heart sinking, Louis leans back in disappointment as Harry walks out the door without a second glance back.

 

XXX

 

Louis looked himself in the mirror one last time, straightening up his black tie and fixing his fringe just right. The blue graduation robe was unbuttoned and stopping just above his shoes. Nodding at his reflection, he picked up the red graduation cap and put it on his head carefully. Today was his last day as a high school student, the last time he would see most of the people he saw on a daily basis, and weirdly enough the most important thing to him was that it could be the last time he saw Harry.

 

He spent the last few weeks glancing at the boy nonstop in classes, staring at lunch, and outright drooling at him in the locker rooms. Why hasn’t he ever noticed his body after all these years? His tattooed (fucking tattooed, seriously!!), long, slightly toned body. Louis is proud to say he's mastered the art of hiding boners. Two weeks and nobody has seem to noticed, although by the glances he's throwing at both Louis and Harry, Zayn is the only one who has probably figured it out already. Louis just confirmed his suspicions when he refused to bully Harry anymore, claiming that they were too old for that shit now and he's not sparing that nerd a single thought now. (Lies, lies, lies.)

 

A flash broke him out of his reverie.

 

“Oh my baby! Look at you!” Louis turned around to see his mother holding up a camera with tears beginning to pool in her eyes.

 

“Oh mum, stop it! You've been crying for days, and we're not even at the ceremony.”

 

Jay pouted, “But baby, this is your graduation! Allow me my moment please! Now straighten up and let me take another!” She brought the camera to her face and Louis quickly smiled as it went off. “Phoebs, Lottie, Fizzy, Daze... Girls get over here!”

 

Louis groaned as he stood in the middle of the group of girls, face turning numb the longer he forced himself to smile. “Mom, can we just go now?” He gritted out through his smile as she happily snapped photos.

 

Jay sighed and finally put down the camera, smiling tearfully. “Yea... yeah let's go. Dan start the car! Let me go put on my heels, and then we're gone!” She said, as she walked towards her room.

 

Louis smiled and turned to his sisters.

 

Lottie squealed and began hugging him once again. “Ahh! Can't believe your leaving high school!”

 

“And you'll be starting high school!” Louis continued, hugging her back.

 

“Will you do that thing where you throw your caps in the air, boo?” Phoebe asked excitedly, looking up at him.

 

Louis opened his mouth to respond, but stopped short. Gripping the wall next to him, Louis waited a bit for the dizzy spell to pass. For the last couple of days he's been getting hit with moments of dizziness and nausea, although he's glad he's never actually thrown up. He keeps forgetting to make a doctors appointment and usually just waits for it to pass. Unfortunately, Louis gripped his throat as he realized that this time, the feeling is not passing. Overcome with a strong pulling in his throat, he clapped his hand to his mouth and, as he fought back the reflexes, pushed his worried sisters away from him, and ran to his bathroom.

 

Kneeling down in front of the toilet, Louis started vomiting. Face red and filled with tears, he felt someone's hands take off the cap he was wearing and slowly start rubbing his back.

 

“There, there boo... let it all out.” Jay cooed in sympathy as she saw her son spill his breakfast and most likely last night's dinner into the toilet. “Maybe it was the dinner last night? I'm sorry, boo.”

 

Louis shook his head and slowly lifted his head when he felt like he was finished. “Ugh...” Louis looked in disgust at the toilet before flushing and closing the lid. He took the toothbrush with toothpaste from his mother thankfully and began to clean his mouth.

 

“Do you think you'll be alright for the ceremony, dear?” Jay asked worriedly, still rubbing his back.

 

Louis looked at her as if she was crazy and nodded. He wasn't missing this day for anything.

 

She laughed at his face and nodded, “Okay, so I'm going to make sure everyone's ready and we'll meet you downstairs. I'll call Dr. Strada and make an appointment as soon as possible if you'd like to see a doctor?”

 

Louis nodded once more, mouth filled with toothpaste. He looked at himself in the mirror, and wondered what could be wrong with him. He hasn't eaten anything neither new nor strange recently. Louis dried his face off with a towel and pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind for now.

 

He doesn't sees Harry in the parking lot, nor when their lining up to go to their seats, and it isn't until he's standing on the football field, sweating miserably, that Louis cranes his neck to see him in line a row ahead of him. Styles comes before Tomlinson, and you would think there wouldn’t be so many people whose last names gets in between them but there are plenty. It takes him a second to recognize him, though. From the back, it looked nothing like him! Yea, there was the same height, same color hair, and broad shoulders, but nothing else matched up. From what he can see, that boy didn't wasn't wearing glasses, and the curly locks only he knows exist when it isn't slicked back properly, are free and slightly curled at the end.

 

That had to be Harry, though. He was the their Valedictorian, as proudly showed with the gold piece of silk hanging from around his neck on top of his robes. Anxious to get a look at his face and bored out of his mind, Louis waits as speeches are given out and they start calling the names. He tunes it all out, only clapping and cheering for people that he recognized. When he heard Niall and Zayn's names he even stood up and cheered loudly, causing people to laugh and do the same.

 

Then from his seat, he watches as Harry's row is told to stand up and approach the stage.

 

“Alana Stewart.” Louis claps politely.

 

“Richard Stevens.” More clapping.

 

“Lucas Straten.”Ugh, he has a twin.

 

“Jill Straten.” Okay, after the next one is Harry.

 

“Michael Stunner.”

 

“Harry Styles.”

 

He sees Harry walk up to the podium, glasses free and dimples out in full force. Smiling, Louis stands up and begins cheering, much to the confusion of many people. A second later, Zayn and Niall, from their respective seats follow him quickly and the whole crowd is cheering for Harry.

 

Harry receives his diploma graciously, mouth open in surprise at the amount of cheers. Harry was having the reoccurring thought that no one would clap for him, and embarrass himself in front of his family and friends. Louis hides his fond smile, as Harry almost stumbles back down the stage.

 

They get to him soon after and Louis is called out onto the stage, with the Dean sighing his name. Everyone laughs, knowing how much trouble Louis has caused the teachers and the Dean. The cheers were booming and Zayn and Niall chanting “Tommo, Tommo”. Grabbing his diploma, and shaking the Dean's hand ecstatically, he steps away from him and bows down to the crowd. He runs back down the stairs as the next name is being called, and just for laughs begins clapping people's hands as he made his way back to his seat.

 

After everyone received their diploma they started with the special awards. Zayn got one for his success in Art, some girl got a scholarship for her service to the community and Louis got one for Sports. Then it was Harry's turn. He got awarded Valedictorian and a scholarship, presented to him with a gold medal and another certificate. It was then time for his speech – the last one of the night. Louis smiled as Harry gave out his speech, his morbid voice making some students fall asleep. He looked incredibly nervous bit gave his speech flawlessly. It was a generally-vague, yet inspiring speech. Not too sentimental at all. One thing was obvious though, Harry had no connection to his peers. People didn't notice it, but Louis did, looking down at his hands sadly. While people usually give speeches about missing the days they'll get to hang out with their friends and go to football games, Harry spoke about all the hard work they did to get here and about the future. Inspiring, of course, but to Louis just a reminder of how isolated he made him.

 

And then it's over and the Dean comes back to the podium with one more announcement. “Family and friends, may we present the Class of 2015!”

 

He hopes Daisy is excited as hundreds of blue caps fill the air.

 

After graduation there’s a small brunch for the graduates and their families in the gym of their school. Running to his family, he is embraced with hugs in every direction.

 

“Yay! Congratulations Louis!” Yelled the twin girls around his legs. A flash broke out and he turned to see his mum.

 

“Oh my baby! Let me see the diploma!” She said excitedly, making grabby hands for the folder in his hands.

 

Louis laughed and handed it to her, looking around as everyone glanced at it. He found Harry not far away, with his own family and currently in the middle of a bear hug from a blonde, slightly older girl. Louis felt the familiar stirring of jealousy twist in his gut, watching Harry hug the girl back just as tightly and laughing while trying to talk to someone. The boy did look gorgeous, incredibly so. The taller lad had taken off his robes, now wearing a simple black suit and tie, with a small white flower in the breast pocket. The flower most likely just tucked from the bouquet that was being handed to him at that moment. Smiling away from the intimate family moment, Louis focused on the twin girls who latched themselves back to his legs, starting a tickle fight.

 

 

While everyone is heading towards the gym for food, Louis sees the top of Harry's head deviate from the crowd and head down another hallway.

 

Tapping his mum on the shoulders, he says, “Mum, I'll be back. Think I see Zayn.”

 

She just nodded and pointed towards the doors of the gym, “Okay, sweetie, I'll get us all a table. Come find us afterward and tell him I said congrats!”

 

He gives her a nod, and almost runs in the direction he saw Harry. This is his chance to say what he's been rehearsing for weeks.

 

He goes down a hallway, his shoes echoing creepily in the dark, empty halls, and tries to guess where Harry was going. It couldn’t be his locker, could it? Speed walking to the locker, Louis pursed his lips at the empty corridor. Nope. Whee could he be? Letting his feet continue walking, he wondered where on earth did Harry go. Seeing the library up ahead with its lights on, he smiled.

 

Opening the door, slowly, he looked around to see Harry sitting behind the librarian's desk, staring at him enter.

 

Louis stops short and tries to play it off. “Uh, really no goodbye? This is the last time we'll see each other Styles.”

 

Harry just raises an eyebrow, but stays quiet.

 

“I really liked your speech.”

 

More silence.

 

“You don't really talk much do you?”

 

“Not to you.” Harry whispered out, but Louis heard him clearly.

 

Nodding in understanding, Louis looks around the library. It looks even duller now without students than it usually does. “What are you doing in the library?”

 

“Saying goodbye.” Harry said simply, looking down and resuming writing.

 

“To the library?” Louis walks closer and sees him writing a letter. “The librarian?”

 

Harry stayed silent, his back hunched around the piece of paper as he wrote. Louis just watched him for another minute, this time waiting for a reply. He sat on top of the desk near Harry's hands, making the boy pause for a second before continuing. Finally, Louis tried poking Harry to get a reaction, only to have him flinch back from his hands. With his hand still hovering in midair between them, Louis looks at Harry sadly. He thought he was going to hit him.

 

“Harry...” Louis starts, but Harry just shakes his head, going back to the writing. Frustrated, they sit in silence for a couple more minutes, until Harry is finally stuffing the letter in an envelope and writing the librarians name on it. Mrs. Nancy Sherwood. “So that's her name.” He glances at Harry, hoping for a response, but is given nothing. “Why are you writing her a letter? How do you know she'll get it? Teachers aren’t going to come back until September as well you know.”

 

Harry places the envelope on top of the counter, name facing the door. Louis wasn’t expecting an answer but is happily shocked, when Harry's deep slow voice breaks the silence again, a fond smile on his lips. “She always leaves everything for the last minute. Will probably come for her things tomorrow or the day after.”

 

“How do you know her so well?” Louis asks, jealously.

 

Harry glances at Louis, as he stands up from the chair and moves around the desk. “She's like a second mother to me, and for years made this a haven for me. Would buy me lunch when a certain someone would throw mines away, or write me passes so I can come do my homework during class, after someone rips up the original.”

 

Louis groans. “Harry, listen-” But Harry was already crossing the room and opening the door, turning off the lights of the huge room quickly. Going after him, he continues calling out his name, hoping he'll stop. “Harry! We need to talk!”

 

Catching up to him, he tries placing his hand on his arm to slow him down, but Harry just yanks it away, making his way faster to the Gym. Louis can already hear the music and realizes he's running out if time. “Harry. Stop, can we-”

 

“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?” Harry thundered, turning around to face Louis while pulling at his hair in pure desperation. “What more do you want? Do you want to punch me? Push me around today for old times sake? _Do it_. Just fucking do it then!

 

“Wh-what? No..” Louis stuttered

 

“I know you've been wanting to show me my place ever since that night so go ahead! We're alone, and god knows I wont tell anyone!”

 

Louis shook his head frantically but Harry just took his hand and formed it into a fist, placing it near his face. “Why not?! You've done it before! Whats so different now?!”

 

“You know whats different...” Louis whispered, gulping down his fear and snatching his hand back. He's never seen Harry angry and without those glasses, his green eyes practically glowed with malice.

 

Harry's eyes widened, “I thought you out of all people would know the meaning of a one night stand.”

 

Louis looked away from him, “Of course I do, it's just...”

 

“Just what? You think because we gave our virginity to each other it would mean something? That we'll realize we were in love this whole time?”

 

“No, I just... wait, you were a virgin too?” Louis mouth dropped. “Did I – did I... you know?” He waved his hand towards Harry's body, pausing for a moment to rake his eyes appreciatively.

 

“Fuck me too? Yes you did, and thank you for letting me know you don't even remember. But I do. Vividly.” Harry took a step forward, eyes shining brightly with unshed tears. “And I regret giving it to you. Because you're the last person that deserves anything from me.”

 

Louis swallowed and looked down at his feet, guilt weighing him down like lead. “Harry, you don't know how _sorry_ I am.”

 

Harry's cold laugh echo around the hall. “Don't. Don't you dare apologize.” He wet his dry lips, looking at Louis in disbelief. “You made my life _hell_.”

 

“I'm sorry, Harry!” Louis yells out, trying to explain himself. “I .. I got caught up in all the power. The attention and pressure that was always on me and _it's no excuse_ , I know it isn’t. If I can take it all back I would! Trust me I would! I would have made sure I noticed from the beginning what a great person you are-”

 

“Great person, or a great fuck.” Harry deadpanned.

 

Louis closed his eyes in frustration. “Great _person_. Because you are. Even when I treated you horribly, I always noticed you were great person. In a way, I was always obsessed with you.” Louis snorted. “Actually, thinking back on it, I probably memorized your whole class schedule every year, even before I memorized my own.”

 

“Yea, I memorized yours as well, but for a much different reason. I needed to get away from you.”

 

Louis frowned sadly. “Again, I'm sorry. Your life was miserable because of me, but I promise to make it right, Harry. Even if it takes-”

 

Harry glared at him. “ _No_! Are you kidding?! My life starts now, away from this _hell_ and most especially, away from you. I never want to see you again, _ever_!”

 

Louis frowned, hurt written all over his face. “I'm so sorry. This is supposed to be the best times of our lives and I made you hate it. I know what I did was unforgivable, and I'm sorry it took so long to notice.”

 

Harry snorted, raking his hair with his hand. “God, you're so shallow. It took us sleeping together, for you to see me as a person. Knowing you didn’t make one effort to say these things to me until today, when I'm dressed like this, also tells me you probably just want to get into my pants or something.”

 

Louis blushed, “No! Although, I wouldn’t say no to another shot with you,” Harry glared at him in disbelief. “I did not come with that intention. And I did make an effort! The first day back after prom weekend!”

 

“Yea, how was that by the way? Tell me, after fucking me, you went and fucked how many people?”

 

“None!” Louis yelled out, scowling.

 

Harry raised his eyebrows, laughing and not believing a word. “Please, the whole school was talking about rumors about you. You went to Niall's summer house where there was party and got hammered, you hooked up with Aiden, you-”

 

Louis' eyes were wide as he tried desperately to explain, “Those are rumors! They think, because I'm me, I must have been doing something crazy! There has always been rumors about me! I can guarantee almost none of them are ever true, and because you don't know me that well and don't know how being at the top of the social ladder works, you probably believed them.” Harry sneered at him when he mentioned that he was popular, and Harry just wouldn't be able to understand the things that come with it, which he actually couldn’t. “Trust me, Harry. You know I spent all of Friday night with you, spent Saturday in bed recovering from Friday night, and spent Sunday trying to remember and come to terms with Friday night!”

 

Harry's jaw ticked, “Except I don't trust you, Louis. And you're right. I don’t know how being at the top of the social ladder work, but I can tell you how it is at the bottom.” He steps closer to Louis, eyes flashing. “You get stepped on, put down, made fun of, and get to go home wondering why on earth are you even alive if you're so hated. Wondering if you'll do what everyone probably wants, and just disappear. Do them a favor and stop being such a burden, stop being so ugly, fat and such an eyesore.”

 

Louis felt a tear fall down his cheek, shaking his head. “You're not – you're not any of those things. I'm so sorry Harry. I know you'll hate me for the rest of your life – and you should, but always know that I deeply regret ever making you feel unwanted and stepped on. You didn't deserve any of it-”

 

“No, I didn't.” Harry chocked out, tears falling down as well.

 

“Hopefully, one day you'll forgive me. I want to do everything I can to be forgiven. You'll always think of me as this horrible bully, and I want to be more than that. I don't want to be a villain to you anymore. How about-” Louis was cut off by a laugh.

 

“Don't flatter yourself. You think I'm going to spare you even a thought after today? I got accepted for a great internship, a great school... I have something to look forward to now, a life without you. I kept dreaming about this day since freshman year. It's why I worked so hard in school. Besides my parents, I did this for me.” He says, holding up his valedictorian medal around his neck. “I achieved something. Me, geeky Harry Styles, ranked higher than Louis Tomlinson at something. While everyone bullied me and mocked me for working so hard, I got to prove to at least myself I'm worth something. While I hear you're… pursuing football is it? Good luck on that career, really.” Harry mocked.

 

Now, he's offended. “Excuse me? There's nothing wrong with football. I happen to be very good at it. Doubt I would’ve gotten a scholarship and a place in a team if I wasn't. There's more to life than books and grades, you know.”

 

“Alright, Ronaldo.” Harry rolled his eyes, his lips twitching with laughter. Evidently, he thought going to college for simply football wasn’t an aspiring career choice. Maybe it isn’t realistic, but Louis didn't care. He was good at it, and if he then changes his mind, he will. He doesn’t have to have his whole life planned out, the way Harry obviously does.

 

With his chest aching and eyes burning, Louis squares his shoulders and spits out, “You didn’t make it easy to like you either. Your such a know-it-all, always has been. That's why no one liked you, no one could stand being near you. Thinking your so high and mighty and superior to us. Making everyone feel stupid.”

 

Harry flushed red, “No! I never thought that! If anyone has a superiority complex here, it's you! Thinking you ruled the school, walking around controlling the football team to do your bidding, charming the teachers to look the other way, and just... just being an arse!”

 

Louis snorted. “Please, I did rule the school. You think I'm stupid, and some mindless football player. Well fuck you, Styles. I might not have had the highest grades in our class, but I didn't exactly fail either. I actually did really good, but average isn't good enough in your eyes is it? Do you even know how to change a flat tire? Make a goal? Mix alcohol drinks? Stand up for yourself when your being pushed into a locker?”

 

Harry opened his mouth to retort. He's right, he couldn’t do any of those things, all he knew were endless amount of historical dates and facts, math equations, and how to write a perfect essay well under 25 minutes. Shaking his head, Harry closed his mouth shut, his hands flying up it in the air in surrender. “Know what? Your not even worth it, Tomlinson.”

 

Louis mouth dropped open, and the next thing he knew he was watching Harry's retreating back. He wished he could take back his words now, wanting to keep talking to Harry, keep him here with him longer. This was the last time they'll see each other, and both ended up saying rather nasty things. Far from the tearful, intimate goodbye he had fantasized over. The last of his tears fell down his cheek as Louis stood there in the middle of the hallway, staring at the lasts few signs of Harry until he disappeared from view.

 

XXX

 

“Okay, Mr. Tomlinson. How are you?”

 

Louis looked up from his phone, pausing the middle of his game, as his family Doctor walked in. Well she definitely took her time, thought Louis grumpily, as he pocketed his phone. He has been sitting in the examination room for a good 40 minutes now, playing games and scrolling through every social network he has – at least twice – and this is just him waiting for her to come back with the results. He had to wait in reception for about 25 minutes and then spent a good 20 answering question, peeing in a cup, and having her poke and prod him. By now, Louis is just itching to get away from this place.

 

“Okay, I guess.” Louis mumbled. If he was good, then he wouldn’t be here, now would he?

 

“Now, I double checked the results to make sure they were accurate, and can guarantee I have come to my diagnosis with 100 percent certainty.” She paused, most likely for dramatic effect. “Louis, you're pregnant.”

 

Louis just continued to stare at her.

 

Not deterred by his lack of reaction, she continued, “Now although nowadays it's not uncommon for men to get pregnant, there is a certain extra risk. If in the end, you decide to continue the pregnancy, there will have to be a change of lifestyle. Your diet, extracurricular activities, and your sleeping habits will have to be monitored and kept in a healthy balance. Now there are also other options...” She pulled out a few brochures secured in her clipboard. “By law I have to talk to you about all options open to you, if you so wish. Look at...”

 

Louis tuned her out as she kept talking, staring down at the brochures in his hand. 'You're considering an Abortion; what can Happen To You?', “Abortion: Just The Facts', and 'The Process of Adoption'. Shaking his head, he got up from the bed and started making his way out the door, ignoring Dr. Strada's calls.

 

He walked outside into the hot, summer air, and continued walking. He was supposed to call his mum to pick him up, but he couldn’t face her.

 

Pregnant? Him?

 

Mind completely numb and blank, Louis didn't stop walking until he reached his house, bypassing the entrance and going into the backyard. He sat on top of a rusty, swing, staring at the dry ground. They had to start watering the grass. It looked awful with splotchy tan pieces of ground all around, with hints of green randomly growing.

 

“Louis?” He turned to see his mom standing on the patio of the backyard, her hand holding the door open. “Louis, what are you doing here? I thought I was picking you up from the doctors office?”

 

He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it back up. _I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant._

 

“Louis?” Jay walked over and stood in front of him, hand on his forehead to make sure he didn’t have a fever. She did this every now and then to all of us, years working as a nurse making her paranoid for her children's health. “What did she say? Did she prescribe anything?”

 

_I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant._ “I'm pregnant.” Oh, did he say that one aloud...

 

“What?” She pulled her hand back, expecting him to say something else.

 

Guessing he might as well say the truth, he repeated. “I'm pregnant.” He stared up at his mother's blank face, scared of her reaction. He was only eighteen, still living with his family, starting college in September, and football practice in August. But now, he was with a child. A child. Harry's child. He's only slept with one male person, and that was Harry. Harry, who yelled at him saying he never wanted to see him ever again – repeatedly and said it in every way possible. Feeling tears start welling up his eyes, and hands start shaking, he sobbed out one more time, “Mum, I'm pregnant. Please say something.”

 

She looked at him, heart broken, and shook her head, a hand resting on her eyes for a second. Taking the swing, next to his, she asked simply, “Who's the father?”

 

“A classmate of mine.” Louis just said, staring at her.

 

Sighing, she just looked ahead, massaging her neck. “And what plans do you two have?”

 

“Mum, I don't even know if i'm keeping it yet! Let alone, making any plans!”

 

She glared at him then, “Sorry?! Repeat that one more time, Louis William Tomlinson, I dare you. This is a baby! You're held responsible now for you're mistakes so is the other father! I had you at a young age, and not once did I think of aborting you. You know how against abortion I am and that is my grandchild! You should have been more careful.”

 

“Mum, I mean I didn't even know I could carry! Aren't there tests for that now?”

 

Jay looked down at her hands and closed her eyes. “Yea there are.” She sighed and looked over at him, a lot calmer and sadder. “I'm so sorry, Louis. I shouldn’t have jumped down you're throat like that. This is a nasty shock for you, I'm sure. While I had no excuse for my mistakes, you certainly didn't know it was even possible. Those tests are extremely expensive and most regular insurances don't cover it. I'm sorry I was never able to get you tested, baby.”

 

Louis sighed, not wanting to make his mum feel guilty either. Sure, they've always just managed to get by, not exactly poor but neither living comfortable financially. Of course they wouldn’t have been able to afford any fancy, high-tech tests. “It's fine, mum.”

 

She closed her eyes, massaging the bridge of her nose. “No, it's not. If we had known, we would’ve talked to you more, prepared you. Taught you how to protect yourself. We could've prevented this.”

 

“Mum, it is what it is.” Louis shrugged, staring at the ground, blind with unshed tears

 

“Oh baby,” His mum stood up from her swing and went to embrace her son, hugging him close to her middle. She was crying as well, running a hand through his hair. “Don't worry, we'll get through this. You think about this extensively and tell me you're decision. Don't let me tell you what to do. If you want to keep this baby, keep it. If not, then we'll make the appointment whenever you feel ready. You can talk to the other father...”

 

“He doesn’t want to talk to me. He hates me.”

 

Jay paused, staring down at his hair. Louis kept his face buried. “Oh baby...” Her heart broke for him. When she was pregnant with Louis, she had told the father only to have those words yelled back at her. He stayed for about a year, before leaving them both. “Then we don't need him. He'll miss out on two very beautiful people.”

 

Louis blinked, his face still hidden. His mum thought that Harry said he hated him after he told him about the pregnancy. She doesn’t know that he hates him because of the years Louis spent bullying him. Jay just tightened her hold on her oldest son, kissing his head. She did not want her son to go through what she did at his age. He was already left pregnant, she was not going to let him go through this alone.

 

XXX

 

About a month later, Louis was coming out of a movie theater with a job application in hand. He's applied to Toys R' Us and a restaurant as well earlier in the week, now all he has to do is wait for a call and hopefully get hired by one of them. Louis is scared about the the months to come and stressed with how hes going to be able to afford a baby. He's already beyond lucky his mother accepted him and his baby. He can't imagine what he would have done if she kicked him out, the way hes heard it happen to many teen parents. Although, Dan has been giving him dirty looks and heard him lecture the girls on how not to follow in their brothers footsteps. That hurt him immensely, always proud to set a good example for the girls. Now, he's just a poster ad for why shouldn't do drugs and drink at Prom.  


Louis sighed as he climbed into his mums car.  


"So? What did they say?" Jay grinned hopefully.  


"Like all the others. They can't make any guarantees and that all I can do is apply and wait for the call."  


Jay nodded and patted his back encouragingly. "Well then we'll wait, don't worry. You'll get one of those jobs."  


Louis nodded and looked down at his hands. There are so many things to worry about now that he's officially decide to keep the baby. How do you give your baby health insurance? Does he need to take out a life insurance? Will he have to ask a job if it'll provide insurance at all before he even applies? Or will his mom put them both under her insurance? Louis closed his yes and massaged his temples, the unanswered questions stressing him out. His mom is already doing so much to help him with offering to look after the baby when he heads to work in the evening. On days that she can't, Lottie and Fizzy both offered to help out as well. Dan wasn't too happy, concerned for the girls not focusing on their school work instead. Louis was worried as well, not wanting to ask too much from anyone, but that's also the same reason why he absolutely _needs_ a job; for all the nappies, clothes (which is continuously outgrown every month), bottles, baby formula, a car seat...  


"Hey, hey, hey..." Jay shook him out if his head. "No more thinking okay? We'll take this one step at a time - day by day."  


Louis wiped a stray tear and nodded. Jay gave him a small smile and started driving out of the parking lot. "Now, it's almost time for your appointment so we could start heading there now. Maybe they can take us a little bit earlier than scheduled. After, we can go get a haircut, the both of us because I need a trim as well. And before we go home, let's pick up some dinner. How about pizza or..."  


Louis let her continue talking, occasionally nodding and humming at appropriate times. ' _Oh, another thing I need to get - a driver's license - and asap_.' Louis remembers, pulling out his phone and adding it to his growing list of things he needs to do. Getting a driver's license meant having to save up to get a car one day – he added that to the list.

 

When he looked up from his phone, they were passing by the football field in the local park. To think he used to be one of those boys playing carefree and without a care in the world. Back then, all he worried about was what party was he going to decide to head to and who was hooking up with who. He partied, got drunk, smoked weed with Zayn at his house when the parental figures weren't home, and altogether just had _fun_. Now _he_ was the parental figure. Louis turned away from the scene jealously and looked at the front of the car, a hand coming to rest on his belly for the first time since he found out. He actually hasn’t talked to Zayn since his party after graduation, ignoring all his calls and texts. When the he had stopped by Louis' house asking for him, Louis made them all turn him away. He's ignored everyone he knows, not wanting to face the humiliation in telling people he got pregnant, seeing the judgment and the disappointment clear in their faces. Seeing it in Dan's face everyday hurt enough as it is.  


Suddenly he felt a cold, dizzying feeling overcome him, his mouth filling with saliva. "Mum... mum I just got really, really nauseous." He clapped a hand on his mouth as Jay quickly swerved to the side of the road. In a matter of seconds, Louis was flying out of the car and vomiting on the grass. He could hear the boys from the football field laughing.  


"Oh Louis!" He heard the car door open and slam close, his mother's footsteps not stopping until they were next to him, massaging his back. "Is the morning sickness usually this bad?"

 

Louis just shrugged, wiping his mouth and face red from embarrassment. He climbed in the car, Jay following him uncertainly. They made their way to the doctor's office and thankfully, allowed them to see the doctor ahead of schedule as it was a slow day.

 

“Hello, Louis. How are you?” Doctor Strada greeted with a bright smile, as she made her way over to him. She sat down next to his chair, which was reclined. Today they were supposed to do the ultrasound, and Louis kept glancing at all the equipment warily.

 

Louis opened his mouth to reply with the usual, but his mum beat him to it. “His morning sickness is bothering him. He just threw up before we arrived here.”

 

“Oh.” Dr. Strada tsked in sympathy. “Yea, their a hassle alright, but will only last for the first few months. If it gets worse, I'll see if I can prescribe something to help you keep food down. Don't worry, think of it as a good thing. Morning sickness is a good sign, it means you're body is preparing itself and producing the right hormones for your baby.”

 

“I didn't throw up once with the twins – my second pair. I felt nauseous, but didn’t throw up once.”

 

The doctor nodded at Jay, “It's different for everyone, some don't even get nauseous.” She turned back to Louis, “Now, have you been eating right like I told you last time? Sleeping well? There is an extra risk with being a male carrier – a teen one at that.”

 

Jay gripped his hand tightly, scared at the thought of anything bad happening. She's heard of all the stories about miscarriages and, though uncommon, death during childbirth. While his mum has been scaring herself into paranoia, Louis has stayed away from googling anything. He'll do what the doctor says and leave it at that, no use stressing himself out more. He already is scared as it is, staying away from things that can be harmful, even the very small things like seafood (which he cannot stand the smell of anyways) and big things like alcohol. Realizing she's waiting for his reply, he nods truthfully.

 

Smiling, she started turning on the machine and typing away. “Okay, just setting this up. Can you lift up your shirt?”

 

Louis complies, looking down at his stomach. You could barely see a difference unless you squint, and know how he looked like before. His stomach is a lot harder though, Louis thinks giving it a soft poke with his finger.

 

“It's getting harder so it'll be protected.” His mum murmurs, smiling softly at him as he stared down in wonder.

 

“Okay, get ready to meet your baby, Louis. This will be a little bit cold.” She says, squirting a bit of blue gel on top of his stomach and its feezing.

 

“Ah! Cold!” Louis frowns, goosebumps appearing on his arms.

 

The doctor hmms in acknowledgment as she concentrates on the screen. Her brows are furrowed, as she moves a the wand on his stomach around. They waited in silence for another minute before she bursts out into a smile. “Aha! Found the little nugget!”

 

She spins the screen around and they both stare at the black and white screen. Louis has a hard time wondering what he's supposed to be looking at until he sees it. Its so small, but there it is. A tiny blob of gray. His baby.

 

“Would you like a picture?”

 

Louis just nods dumbly, staring at his baby. It wasn't real before, but now it is, more than ever. He's going to be a father to that baby. A warm feeling fills him up, almost choking him with the overwhelming feeling. That feeling he realizes is love. “It looks like a peanut.” He blurts out. Oh, how he loves peanut. He then decides to call the baby peanut from now on, not wanting to keep saying “it.” At least until he knows the gender and can start confusing his baby with a plethora of names everyday, trying to test each one out.

 

Doctor Strada laughed, “I see it as more like a blueberry.”

 

Louis turned when he heard sniffles coming from right next to him. “Oh mum, don't cry! I'm supposed to be the one crying here!”

 

Jay choked out a laugh, “I'm sorry, I know. I'm just so emotional. That’s my grandbaby.”

 

“Yea...” Louis turned back to the monitor. “And that's my baby.” His heart tugged at those words and he had to blink away the tears threatening to fall. “God, now I'm crying.” He laughs, accepting the pictures Dr. Strada had printed out for him.

 

Jay kisses him on the head, taking one of the picture in his hand. “For my wallet.”

 

Louis smiled brightly at her, and for the first time feels empowered. He can do this. He _will_ do this. He'll try his best to be the best parent he can.

 

XXX

 

“Hey girls!” Jay greeted, kissing each girl on the cheek and then going to coo softly at Ernest and Doris in Dan's arms. “Me and Louis got everyone Nando's, so grab a plate and start serving yourselves. Oh Lottie,” She looked at her second oldest opening the cupboard, “Sweetie, I think there are plastic plates on the very top. So we don't have to wash so many dishes today. It's been a very long day.”

 

“Still no job?” Dan mocked – well, Louis felt like he was being mocked.

 

“No.” Louis mumbled, avoiding Dan's eyes.

 

“Hmm... I hope you don't think we'll be taking care of your baby now. Kids are very expensive, Louis and we already have six.”

 

The kitchen became quiet,. Louis swallowed, his hands balling into fists. “No, I don't expect you to.”

 

“Good. And don't expect to live here without contributing to the rent as well, either. You're grown now, apparently so you should be able to pull your weight.”

 

“Dan!” Jay yelled out, outraged. Apparently, this is news to her as well.

 

“He needs to learn how to be responsible, Jay.” Dan responded sternly. “If he feels he can have a baby at this age then-”

 

“I didn't plan this!” Louis spat out, eyes flashing angrily.

 

“Louis.” Jay warned sharply, shaking her head and turning to the girls. “Lottie, Fizzy take the girls to the living room with their food. Take the babies as well. You too, Louis. Go put on a movie.” She glared at them when nobody moved. “Go. _Now_.”

 

They all scrambled out of the kitchen with their plates, Lottie holding one baby twin, while Louis held the other. They spread themselves on the couches and floor, while Daisy put on the movie Froze.

 

Louis groaned. Great, now he'll have _Let It Go_ stuck in his head all night. He couldn’t help but imagine watching all these kids shows and movies with his own baby one day. Will they like Spongebob? Adventure Time? What if Peanut's a girl? Louis places his hand on his still flat belly. He'll happily take her to see her favorite boyband and see shows like iCarly and Hannah Montana.

 

Soon, the yells from the kitchen drifted towards them and Louis had to raise the volume of the TV to drown out the words.

 

“Sooo...”

 

Louis turned to look at Lottie, who had a wide grin on. “Sooo?” Louis sung back to her.

 

“Is it a boy or a girl?” Lottie smiled brightly, scooting closer to him so they can talk quietly without disturbing the others.

 

“Way too soon to tell. Maybe in a few months.”

 

Lottie pouted, “But what do you think it is? Do you hope for a girl?”

 

Louis paused for a second, considering what he felt. “Um, I honestly don't have a preference. I do have a lot of experience with girls after looking after you lot, but... but I have a strong feeling it's a boy.” Louis smiled softly at Lottie.

 

“Aww, yay another boy in the house! Are you excited?”

 

“More like scared.” Louis grimaced.

 

Lottie looked down, for a second, biting her lip. “And.. and what about the other father?”

 

Louis froze. “He's... he's not around.”

 

“What? Why? Is he mad? What did he say to you?” She whispered, angrily, ready to defend her brother, overwhelming Louis with a string of questions he couldn’t even begin thinking up lies for.

 

“Well... I didn’t tell him yet. So, nothing I guess.”

 

Lottie frowned, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion, “Whats do you mean? He doesn’t know?”

 

Louis shook his head.

 

“But you have to tell him Louis!”

 

“Uh, no I don't”

 

“Louis...”

 

“It's my baby Lottie.” Louis said, glaring at her sharply, a hand curling around his stomach protectively. “It's mine, and mine alone.” With that said, Louis turned back to the movie and lifted up his sandwich. His mum wasn't allowing him to eat greasy junk food and stopped by a Deli to pick up a sub for him earlier and he couldn’t be any more grateful. The smell of the chicken was disgusting from where he sat – which was weird considering he loves Nando's.

 

Of course, Louis should have known Lottie was going to tell their mom about his plans on not telling Harry about Peanut. The next morning, Louis was shaken awake by a very angry Jay.

 

He rubbed his eyes sleepily “Hey, whatever happened to getting lots of rest for the baby?”

 

“You can nap later. Right now, you are going to get up, shower, dress and march over to the father of your baby's house. You are going to tell him.” Louis opened his mouth to protest but she just glared at him and pointed her manicured finger ay him. “Don't you dare argue, Louis! Here we are trying so hard to accommodate bringing a baby into this home and he doesn’t even know! He needs to help out as well and be given the option to be a part of this baby's life.”

 

She gave him one last look and started walking to his closet, taking out a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans. “Get ready.” She said coolly, throwing the clothes on the bed near his feet. “And to think, you made me keep believing that boy chose to not be a part of its life.” Without even glancing at Louis, she walked out of the room leaving a tearful Louis behind.

 

About an hour later, Louis had just arrived in front of Harry's house, a beautiful Spanish-inspired, two-story house with an abundance of flowers. Hands sweating and his heart in a frenzy, Louis just continued to stare at the door. There are about a hundred different scenarios running through his head, each one ending with him getting kicked out, yelled, or worse, laughed at. It's obvious this family is well off, what if they think it was a sort of trap for marriage? Louis doubted it, though. Rather, he's expecting to be hated after they find out how he treated their son. Hoping the floor can swallow him up, Louis placed his finger on the doorbell, only to take it off a second later. His stomach was a mix between knotting itself up tighter by the second, and doing some sort of back flips. Louis wonders if the baby is feeling all of this – it must be. He was told the stress he feels, the baby does as well. With that thought in mind, Louis closed his eyes, took a deep breathe and pressed the doorbell.

 

Hearing the bell chime in the house, he heard the sound of woman calling out and before he can run away, the door swung open.

 

Dressed with an apron tied to her waist, a kind, pretty woman appeared, with a black and white cat tucked in her arms. This must be Harry's mother. Louis shifted uncomfortably, remembering that she's also his baby's grandmother. He could tell the resemblance between mother and son, especially the mirror image of Harry's smile plastered on her face at the moment. Dimples must run in the family.

 

“Hello! Louis? Is that you? Wow, you are so big!”

 

Louis blinked in shock, “Oh, uh, yea I am.”

 

Anne laughed, opening the door wider, “Your mom and I used to be close friends, years ago. My name's Anne. I used to babysit you every once in a while. You don't remember, of course, you were barely up to my knee! How is she by the way? Would you like to come in?”

 

“Um, no it's fine. And my mum's good.” Louis answered politely. Oh great, now it turns out his mum knows Harry's mother. He feels it's even stranger, having a connection like a grandchild, to a woman he doesn’t know, and keeping it from her as well. “Actually, I was wondering if Harry's home. I need – I need to talk to him.”

 

“Harry?” Anne raised her eyebrows, “Oh, he didn't tell you?”

 

“Tell me what?” Louis asked hesitantly.

 

Anne smiled in sympathy, “Oh, I'm sorry. I thought he told all his friends already. But Harry moved to the States for school and his internship – which he should have just started about a week ago.”

 

“Oh.” Louis said dumbly.

 

“If you would like, I can pass on the message or, give you his phone... hey, hey Louis? Where are you going? Louis?”

 

Louis ignored her calls, just walking away from the doorstop, numb to the core. He came to tell Harry. But it turns out, Louis was too late. He doesn't want a phone number, wanting to do it person was torture enough, he can't imagine doing something so big through a phone.

 

Louis knows for a fact Harry doesn’t have any social media accounts, and a part of him doesn’t even want Harry to know about the baby. Now as he keeps walking away from Harry's old home, he realizes he's _relieved –_ really _,_ how more fucked up can he get? Louis wants to keep Peanut all to himself, and leave Harry out of their lives. Its certainly what Harry wanted – Louis out of his life forever. Definitely stressed it enough at graduation.

 

Besides, the nerd is probably off making a name for himself and studying at whatever prestigious school he got into. He wasn’t going to ruin his life with something like this, as much as he hated the curly haired lad.

 

Louis rolled his eyes at his own thoughts. Lies. He could never hate Harry. He deserved everything Harry told him on Graduation and every ounce of hate he receives from him, but he, himself, could never return such hatred. On the contrary, those green eyes haunt his every dream. Every version of those green eyes to be exact – shiny with tears, behind those hideous glasses, darkened with lust, or bright and cheerful like at graduation.

 

Louis wishes little peanut will have those green eyes. That way, at least he'll always have a little piece of Harry Styles to remember him by forever.

 


	3. What To Expect When You're Expecting

_Pregnancy is different for every man and woman. Some people glow with good health and vitality during those first three months; others feel absolutely miserable. Here are some of the changes you might experience and what they mean._

 

_During pregnancy, the muscle contractions that normally move food through your intestines slow down because of higher levels of the hormone progesterone. Add to that the extra iron you're getting from your prenatal vitamin, and the result is uncomfortable constipation and gas that can keep you feeling bloated throughout your pregnancy_

 

“I'm fat.”

 

“Louis, you're not fat. You're pregnant.”

 

Louis sighed from his place at the kitchen counter and looked at his mum. “I remember you being pregnant. I'm 100% certain it didn't suck like mine does. I can't even go to the bathroom right!” Louis blushed and turned away from his mother's small smile. They were the only ones in the house at the moment, Dan taking the girls to the mall for the day. Usually Louis would be invited, but of course he had to go and get knocked up. His mum stayed behind to offer him some company, but Louis didn’t want her pity. She had insisted though, saying they needed to bond and talk about the pregnancy. “People are always talking about how pregnant people should have this _glow_ about them. Am I glowing? No! I feel bloated all the time! I think I'm breaking out, I still have to work my butt off instead of getting pampered, and my hair doesn’t have shine, or whatever the heck pregnant people get. I didn't get the perks that come with a belly at all.”

 

Jay laughed softly as she placed a mug of tea in front of her disgruntled son. “Louis, everyone is different. And you haven't broken out! You're face is as spotless as ever. As for not going to the bathroom, I have this recipe for a cure that your grandmother gave to me when I was pregnant with you. I'll brew you a cuppa in a bit, alright sweetie?” She kissed the side of his head, as he tearfully drank his tea.

 

Damn hormones.

 

_Your body is working hard to support a growing fetus, which can wear you out more easily than usual. Take naps or rest when you need to throughout the day._

 

Louis slowly woke up from the strong sunlight coming from his windows. Blinking up at the window, he swore to himself he was going to buy darker curtains, completely fed up with the sheer ones he had. Stretching his limbs lazily, and hearing a couple of bones crack happily, he slid from beneath his covers and started making his way downstairs; eyes still narrowed with fatigue, pajamas wrinkled, and hair a sleepy mess.

 

He nodded sleepily at the other occupants in the house as passed them on his way to the kitchen, the girls running around trying to get ready for school. Louis didn’t have work today, so he was prepared for a lazy Tuesday – a rare occurrence he was going to cherish.

 

“Hey, Lou!” Lottie chirped up from the kitchen table where she had just finished preparing herself a bowl of cereal.

 

Louis just nodded back in response, still very tired and proceeded to take the bowl from her.

 

“Hey!” Lottie protested, watching in amusement as Louis just blinked at her and started making his way back to his room.

 

A second later, Louis came back into the kitchen to snatch the box of cereal from her hands. “Lou! You can't take it all!” Lottie laughs, shaking her head at his antics.

 

Louis just climbed back up the stairs, knowing full well there was an extra box in the cupboard for everyone else. He tightened his hold on the cereal. His cereal.

 

About twenty minutes later, Lottie came upstairs to Louis room to say goodbye but was met with a sleeping Louis, a box of Coco Puffs in his arms. Grinning, she took out her phone and snapped a picture.

 

_More than 60% of pregnant individuals experience food cravings, and more than half have food aversions, according to research. Giving in to cravings from time to time is OK, provided you are generally eating healthy, low-calorie foods._

 

“Mum, what are you cooking?” Louis walked into the kitchen following the foul smell with a wrinkled nose.

 

“Lamb chops, sweetie. Want to help? It'll be ready soon.”

 

Louis gave her a scandalized look and walked closer to the frying pan, his stomach churning at the thought of eating whatever was in there. “Mum, that's-” He slapped a hand to his mouth and ran as fast as he could to the nearest bathroom. He kneeled on the floor and stayed there for a few minutes.

 

“Oh, goodness! Louis!” He felt his mother rub circles on his back soothingly. She does this as much as she can, when he wakes her up in the mornings. She's only happy to do it, but Louis feels guilty for waking her up almost everyday. She shouldn’t have to. Most people have boyfriends, or husbands to do it for them.

 

When Louis' tearstained face finally emerges from the porcelain bowl, he cringes at the taste in his mouth and the smell that's still lurking in the house. “I hope you don't feel offended when I say I might be skipping out on dinner.”

 

“Oh, Louis, don't worry about it. I'll make you something else.” She said, still rubbing his arms.

 

“No,” He shook his head, guilt flooding him. “Don't do that. I'll be fine. I'm actually really in the mood for pizza.”

 

“Louis...” Jay frowns. “That's not a part of your healthy diet.”

 

“Mum, come on.” Louis pouted. “I'm sure once in a blue moon won't be bad. I really want pizza. Like badly.” Louis gave her a hopeful look, hands put together pleadingly.

 

Jay rolled her eyes, “Fine, if you're sure you'll be able to keep it down.”

 

“I will! Trust me!” Louis grinned victoriously, mouth watering at the thought of the cheesy, tomato marinated, soft crust pizza. Oh, he can already taste it now. “And... ice cream?” Louis gasped. “Ice cream with pizza! That's... that's just perfect.”

 

Jay laughed at his nodding face, seeing him completely serious about his statement. “How about no? Baby I don't even think that's possible. The ice cream will melt.”

 

Louis pouted, “It'll melt on it, and that's what will make it delicious. I love pizza and I love ice cream, so naturally they will be heaven together. Oh mum.. do we have chocolate syrup too?”

 

Jay shook her head, “No, Boo. Just pizza for today. Now clean your mouth while I give them a call.”

 

Louis pouted but conceded. She was probably right, that combination didn’t even sound like it could remotely be good for him anyways. He still promised to try it one day, when she was in better spirits and not in her mama bear mode, usually seeing Louis vomit like he just did triggered her to become so.

 

It was 3:30 AM when Louis got up from bed, stuffing his feet into his UGGS and slipping on a thin jacket on top of his pajamas. He slowly made his way from the house and started walking to the nearest 24/7 Tesco, a mere couple blocks away. He wanted that damn ice cream.

 

XXX

 

“Goodmorning Louis. How are you feeling?”

 

“Good, almost no morning sickness anymore.” Louis smiled up at Dr. Strada from his seat. He's gotten more comfortable with the idea of his pregnancy and is more open in discussing it with her. His small protruding belly was usually still hidden with baggy sweatshirts, not keen on seeing Dan's, or anyone’s, disappointed faces though.

 

“That's right, the morning sickness should be about gone, so you should be feeling a bit like your old self again, now that you are officially done with your first trimester! Congratulations.” She motioned for him to lean down and lift up his shirt. “Now we are just going to check up on the little one. Are you excited to learn the sex of the baby today?”

 

Louis happily complied and laid down on the chair, more excited then he thought he would be. First trimester – done. All the baby books he's read told him that the risk of miscarriage goes significantly down afterwards and Louis can finally sigh in relief.

 

“Have you been taking your vitamins? Did you get the iron pills I recommended?”

 

Louis nodded, “Yupp, everyday 1 vitamin each like you said.” He cringed as the ice cold, blue gel was applied to his stomach. His belly was heavy and outrageously evident on Louis small frame. Made it a real pain to sleep with, usually he needed about 4 pillows to be able to sleep comfortably. And little Peanut loved kicking! The small brat kept him up playing footy with his bladder. He eagerly peeked at the monitor, but saw nothing but black and gray figures. Pouting he turned to the doctor, “So is it a boy or a girl?”

 

Doctor Strada laughed lightly, shaking her head at his impatience. “Well, right now I’m going through a mental checklist, making sure everything is going as planned. Which it is. Now... I'm looking. What do you think it is?” She asked curiously as she continued staring at the monitor and waving around the wand across his belly slowly.

 

“A boy.” Louis smiled. “I can feel it squirm a lot and I'm getting really weird cravings. My mom says they're signs that its a boy.”

 

“Well, don't go believing the old wive's tales. They're mostly superstitions. I remember hearing one that having sex in the cold makes it come out a boy. No actual proofs to it at all. But cravings are good – as long as your not craving soap or anything like that.”

 

“What? Does that happen?” Louis looked at her in shock.

 

Doctor Strada turned to laugh at his disgusted face. “Very rarely.” She turned back to the monitor as she moved the wand in her hand further along his belly. “How's your job? Are they giving you relatively lax work? Like I said-”

 

“Yes, yes I know. Male pregnancies, more risk. I'm fine. I just stand there and ring people up.” Louis shrugged, thinking of his job at Toys R' Us. He didn't mention that he absolutely hates it and might start looking elsewhere for a job. Although, he feels as if he shouldn't, not wanting to risk ending up with no job at all when he's having a baby.

 

“Soon enough even standing will be too much for you. Make sure they accommodate you, alright? They have to.”

 

Louis nodded, although he frowned softly. He couldn’t stand being treated like glass. He was fine and he felt fine.

 

“And how's your mother? I don't see her here with you today. I'm shocked.”

 

“She had to work. And this isn’t really that important to miss work for.” Besides they needed the money, now more than ever. Her job is cutting back her hours and his job isn’t paying so well either. He's saving up every penny he has to buy the things for his baby, but sometimes he grows angry at the thought of not getting to enjoy anything for himself. No movies, no new clothes, and he even felt guilty if he splurged on fast food every now and then. Whenever he's here looking at all the married couples with their pregnant bellies, Louis finds himself daydreaming about Harry coming to these appointments with him, holding his hands and being one of those embarrassingly gushing husbands. Of course Louis just gets mad at himself for having stupid thoughts like those, they brought nothing but guilt and self-pity. Both things he didn’t need at the moment.

 

She frowned softly. “Oh. Well, it's an important day for you isn’t it – Oh, look!” Louis' eyes jumped to the monitor, trying to find her discovery. “I see it's sex.” She paused and turned to smile at him.

 

After as second he motioned his hand impatiently, “Well?”

 

“Congratulations, Louis. It's a boy!”

 

XXX

 

_Your baby is growing and it's putting pressure on your organs, including your bladder. As a result, you may feel like you constantly have to go to the bathroom. When nature calls, answer it as soon as you can. Don't hold it in._

 

“Lots, hurry! I have to go to the bathroom!” Louis grumbled as he knocked loudly on the bathroom door. Dan was using the downstairs bathroom, and Louis honestly felt like the man was in there longer than necessary to spite him.

 

“Hold on! I'm almost done!” Rang the feminine voice through the door.

 

“Seriously, you're just putting on make up! I know you are!” Louis yelled angrily, knocking once again.

 

Their mother walked outside the twins room at that moment and stomped angrily towards the bathroom, knocking on it sharply. “Charlotte, your brothers right! Get out of there! _Now_!”

 

Lottie gave out a noise of frustration and yanked the door open, her make up only half finished. “Fine, take it! But he hogs this bathroom more than anyone! He'll be back an hour later watch!”

 

Louis and Lottie stuck their tongues at each other as they passed each other over the bathroom threshold.

 

_Increased fatigue and changing hormones can put you on an emotional roller coaster that makes you feel alternately elated and miserable, cranky and terrified. It's OK to cry, but if you're feeling overwhelmed, try to find an understanding ear -- if not from your partner, then from a friend or family member._

 

“Hey Fizzy, want to watch a movie with me?” Louis asked, smiling at her widely as he bounced into the room.

 

“Sorry, can't Lou. I'm going to meet a couple of my friends at the mall soon, so I have to get ready.” She barely glanced at him from her place in front of Lottie's closet, no doubt trying to steal a shirt to wear today.

 

“Oh, okay.” Louis walked away sadly, tears welling up in his eyes. He couldn’t help burst out in tears as soon as he landed in front of the television by himself, not even bothering to keep up with the movie playing in the background.

 

“Louis, sweetie. Whats wrong?” He felt himself tugged into a hug by his mother who plotted herself right next to him.

 

Louis just shook his head, crying more aggressively.

 

Jay shifted him away slightly and took his face in her hands, making him meet her eyes. “Tell me what's wrong. It'll help you if you talk about it, and how else are we to fix it if you don’t say something?”

 

Louis sniffed and stared into the blue eyes that were so much like his own. “I – I asked Fizzy if she wanted to watch tv, you know like hang out for once, and she said no. She wanted to go out with her friends.”

 

“And that's why you're mad?” Jay didn’t want to laugh, she tried really hard not to, but the corners of her mouth lifted up.

 

Louis recoiled from her touch and scowled at her, “It's not funny! You all hate me! I'm a bother to you all I know it! You don't have to make it so painfully obvious!”

 

Jay gasped, shocked at hearing him vent. “Why would you say that? You're not a bother!”

 

Louis glared at her. “I am! You all have lives, you all have your own worries but I'm always bringing everyone down. And sometimes – sometimes I just get so lonely.” Louis sniffed, his tears coming back full force. “I might have you, but you're my mother, you probably feel obligated. I lost Zayn and Niall when they moved away for school, and I'm too much of coward to talk to them and tell them the truth. I just send really vague messages in response to them to keep them from coming over and knocking down our door, but even I know their having the time of their lives over at Uni. While I'm stuck here with a baby. It's been going on for so long now, that the distance just keep getting worse, they barely call now!”

 

Jay settled Louis closer in her arms letting him continue talking, kissing his head every once in a while.

 

“And – and I go to these appointments, or I see families at my job, and I want that mum. I want what they have. But I know no ones going to want to be with a pregnant guy, and no ones going to want to date me in the future with a child already. That's baggage no one willingly signs up for mum!”

 

“Oh Louis...” Jay sighed, hugging him tightly. “Someone will. You'll see one day someone will love you and your small son just as much as you do. I found Mark even when I had you. And Dan afterwards.”

 

Louis snorted tearfully, not at all comforted. She didn’t know how inferior Dan made him feel and how Mark had always reminded him he wasn’t his son. He didn’t want that for Peanut.

 

Jay squeezed him once again. “Is that all on your mind?”

 

“I just...” Louis sighed, wiping his nose with his long sleeved sweatshirt. “I just hate feeling this way. I hate this.” _I hate myself_.

 

“Baby, you have us. And so does my grandchild. Don’t ever feel as if your not wanted. Ever. Because you are, each one of us loves you and the extra addition to our family. You're carrying a beautiful miracle, and this pregnancy will end soon. Then you’ll have a small baby that will depend on you to love him with all you have. And he will love you back. You will be his whole world. So wipe those tears, straighten up and come help me bake a cake. I love you, Louis, never forget. You were my whole world when I was your age, and you still are.”

 

Louis did as he was told and slowly waddled after his mum towards the kitchen where she had the ingredients out already. He did love her cakes, Louis thought as he rubbed his swollen belly softly, and so did Peanut by the small kick his hand felt in return.

 

_Pregnancy is one of the few times in a person's life when weight gain is considered a good thing, but don't overdo it. The average person should gain a healthy dose of about 28-40 pounds throughout their pregnancy. Your doctor may recommend that you adjust your weight gain up or down if you started your pregnancy underweight or overweight. It's good practice to also start exercising regularly and going for walks everyday._

 

Louis is eating blueberries as he sees Fizzy practice football, he misses the sport but more so, he misses being part of the team. He compromises on agreeing to help Felicite make it onto her school's football team. Apparently, she took after her brother and wants to play the sport, unlike her sister Lottie who prefers playing with her make up kits than kick a ball.

 

Fizzy stops breathlessly in the middle of the football field at the park they were currently in, clutching her sides. Squinting at him, laying down under the shade of a large oak tree, she yelled out, “I thought you said you were going to walk laps around the field!”

 

“Just looking at you exercise is tiring me out!” Louis popped another blueberry into his mouth, looking up from his magazine to look at Felicity. “Come on keep it moving! I don't see you kicking any balls Fizz!”

 

He picked up the whistle from around his neck and blew into it obnoxiously, earning himself a withering glare. He laughed merrily and returned to his reading, popping another fruit into his mouth.

 

XXX

 

_The sun was shining and students were loitering outside the school, stalling as much as possible from going inside the building. Louis Tomlinson was laughing at a crude joke Niall had just said when he saw him._

 

“ _Oh fuck...” Louis laughed loudly, standing up from his seat at the fountain. The Fountain was the designated spot, in front of the school, that most jocks and cheerleaders sat around at the beginning of each school day. No one dared to come near it unless you belonged there and no one belonged there more than Louis did, him being the center of all the boisterous laughter and other elite students._

 

“ _Styles, come one! You look even worse than ever! Who dresses you?!” Louis laughed walking closer to the shy student._

 

_Everyone else laughed behind him, turning to see what Louis was talking about. Harry Styles was the schools nerd. Most hated him for never fitting in with anyone – even the other nerds hated him for besting them at exams. He was the outcast and everyone loved making fun of him, which is why it shocked Louis to look up and see him wear the most ridiculous outfit he's seen him in to date. Styles was wearing khakis two sizes too small, ending right above his ankle, revealing wool thick socks, a button up shirt neatly tucked in with it's pocket filled with two pens and a notepad, and his too short of a tie sitting on his chest. His usual slicked back hair and tapped up glasses was just icing on the cake, and Louis refused to go even glance at his shoes again, cringing at the sight of his all white clunky trainers. I mean if you were going to wear khakis and a tie, why not wear proper shoes, not fucking trainers made for old men! For heavens sake, this boy deserved everything he got._

 

“ _Let me guess, laundry day?” Niall laughs, making Louis smirk._

 

_Louis stopped in front of Harry, “Are you lost?” Louis raised his eyebrows and smiled, waiting for his reply._

 

_Harry just kept his head down and gripped the books in his arms tighter, stepping off to the side to walk past Louis._

 

“ _Oh no no...” Louis tisked, stepping in front of the smaller boy quickly, pushing him roughly to the ground in front of everyone. His book scattered everywhere, and the papers in the folder flew around them. Louis scoffed as he saw tears begin to fall down his face, kicking the book Harry was reaching for out of reach. Everyone's laughter increased, making Louis smile up at them in amusement._

 

_Zayn walked over and “accidentally” tipped over his coffee on the papers around him. “Opps... my bad. I hope that wasn't your homework.” Zayn laughed at Harry's stricken face, flicking the coffee cup down at his feet._

 

_Harry's hands trembled and a couple of sniffles met Louis ears. “God, your so pathetic!” Louis laughed, hand landing on his stomach in glee. He looked down in confusion when his hand met a swollen stomach. His huge, pregnant stomach._

 

_His hands felt his stomach in wonder, smiling down at the small kick his hand received. Then he started to feel wetness go down his legs. Looking down he saw his skinny jeans begin to darken at an alarming rate. Heart beating loudly, he reached down and felt where the bleeding was coming from. Pulling back his hands, he cried at the blood that covered them._

 

“ _Guys! Guys, help!” He turned to look at everyone around him but they were all laughing at Harry still on the ground. Pointing and laughing at the boy in front of them while he was next to them bleeding out. “Nooo....” He cried, holding his belly protectively as he continued to bleed all over the ground. He knows he miscarried._

 

“ _Help me...” He whispered, willing Zayn or anyone to look over but they were all busy taunting Harry. The only set of eyes who seemed to see him were a pair of bright green eyes, looking at him passively._

 

“ _Harry... help...” Louis pleaded, but the Harry just stared at him, watching him sink to the puddle of blood on the floor. Cold green eyes stared at him as he continued to bleed everywhere..._

 

Louis woke up with a start, body trembling and tears running down his face as he tried to hold in his sobs. His shaking hands ran over his thighs, legs and the bed under him, desperately looking for any hints of blood. Finding nothing but dry linen and hints of cold sweat, Louis forced himself to take deep breaths, both arms curling around his distended belly protectively, “I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...”

 

He didn't know who he was apologizing to, the baby or Harry.

 

XXX

 

Louis awoke slowly, a faint beeping grating on his nerves. Finally taking a firm grasp on his consciousness, his eyes snapped open and he woke up in a panic. “Where's my baby? And my Mum?”

 

“Sir, your mother said she'll be back, she went to go pick up the kids from school. She said your stepfather was stuck at work and couldn't pick them up.”

 

Louis just shook his head, not really caring for anything other than his son. “I want to see my baby. Please bring him. I need to see him.”

 

The nurse finished looking him over and nodded. “Of course. I'll be back.” She smiled softly and left the room.

 

Waiting impatiently, Louis took the time to observe his body. It was about 10 at night yesterday when he felt his water break and his mother rushed him to the hospital, both excited and nervous. Louis had kept shouting out in pain whenever another contraction, clutching Lottie's hand next to him, and was completely in tears by the time they reached the hospital. The baby wasn't due for like another 3 weeks, but nevertheless Louis was admitted as soon as possible and about an hour later was being injected anesthesia. It was a strange feeling not having a huge belly anymore. He almost felt empty in a way. He couldn’t feel his baby's movements anymore and the stillness was making him anxious. His fingers slowly touched his abdomen, where a small ache was coming from. Frowning, he felt the outline of his stitched up skin under his hospital robe, the permanent scar left behind by his C-section.

 

“Here he is Mr. Tomlinson.” Louis looked up to see the nurse walk in, pushing a clear, small crib. Behind her came another nurse with a computer on a portable station.

 

Louis kept his eyes on the small bundle in the crib, only barely noticing the nurse bend down and carefully pick him up. He swallowed thickly as his baby was placed in his arms. His small, _beautiful_ baby.

 

 

“I believe you're mother changed him earlier into his clothes. Just one night with us and he'll be ready to go home. Same for you as well.”

 

Louis nodded, nothing completely registering. He only had eyes for the baby in his arms at the moment. He was so tiny! He was pale, soft, and had a pretty, red pair of full lips that definitely didn’t come from Louis. Louis traced his soft, cushy cheek with his finger and whispered, “He's sleeping.”

 

“Yes, he is. Has been sleeping for a bit now, so he should wake soon. I brought a bottle so you can feed him as well.”

 

Louis nodded, still gazing in awe at the baby in his hands. Gosh, his _baby_. Feeling chocked up, he bent his head down and softly placed a kiss on his baby's forehead. The small newborn scrunched up it's face and moved his arms awkwardly, still trying to learn how to maneuver them.

 

“Have you thought of a name, sir?” The nurse in pink scrubs came next to him, moving the computer in front of her.

 

Louis looked up in panic. “Uh - I thought of like five.”

 

The nurse laughed softly, “How about you try them out on him?”

 

Louis nodded and looked down, “Heyyy, Adam?” Louis scrunched up his face. “Ew, wait no. Definitely not that one anymore.”

 

“Derek?” No. Too Derek Jeter.

 

“William?” No, all he'll need is a daughter named Elizabeth and him and Harry will have the whole English monarchy. Besides he isn't even fond of William as his middle name.

 

“Isaiah?” Hmm... good, but no.

 

“Christian? Christian. Chris.” Louis smiled softly. “I like the sound of that one. Do you, little peanut?” Christian just opened and closed his mouth a bit, his small pink tongue darting out for a second. Louis didn’t know if he wanted to yawn or if he was looking for food.

 

He looked up at the nurse who smiled softly at the new father. “Let him wake up slowly on his own. He needs to learn how to cry for food, even though you might not like the idea of him crying. That way he learns that crying equals food and communicates with you in that way.”

 

“Oh, okay.” Louis went back to his baby as she typed out his name.

 

“C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N?” Louis nodded at her spelling. “Any middle names?”

 

“Avery.”

 

“A-V-E-R-Y?” Another nod. “And lastly the surname?”

 

Louis paused, biting his lip. On instinct he wanted to just say Tomlinson. Christian was his and Harry has no hand in this. But that doesn’t mean that Christian still isn’t half of Harry. Would it be too presumptuous of Louis to put his son as a Styles? Tomlinson-Styles? Oh, Louis liked the sound of that a bit too much.

 

Shaking his head, he sighed sadly. “Tomlinson. Just Tomlinson.”

 

“Okay, and can you spell your full name?”

 

“Louis William Tomlinson.”

 

Click click click. Louis heard her type away at the keyboard until she paused and asked another question, “And for parent number 2?”

 

Louis looked up to see her carefully avoid his eyes. It's clear to everyone, there is no second parent. “He's not around.” He said stiffly.

 

“Okay. Just letting you now, leaving it blank will prevent you from asking for child support and does abdicate the father from any rights to the child, and vice versa. This is a legal binding document and if the other parent ever does make an appearance, he'll have to go to court to change it, ok?”

 

Louis inhaled and looked away. “Harry Styles. Harry Edward Styles.” Louis glad he dug through his old yearbook and learned Harry's middle name. He doubts Harry will meet Chris so the rights were just trivial things. He didn’t want child support at all – although he damn well could use it. He is putting Harry's name for the sake of Chris. Chris has a right to know the name of his father, know who he is, and to have his name at least on the birth certificate. Louis couldn’t just think of himself and what he wanted anymore, he had another person to think about now.

 

More typing and Louis had to confirm the spelling for everything once again. “Okay, I will print out a copy of this application. It is a legal binding document now and your sons birth certificate should be ready in a couple of days.”

 

Louis watched her leave the room and looked down as soon as his baby started whimpering. “Oh, baby don’t cry.” The whimpering got louder and Chris started flailing his arms, his face scrunched up. Louis cradled him and began to rock him, the same way he learned to do with the both set of twins. Louis picked up the bottle that was on the table and slowly pressed the tip to Chris' mouth, which opened up immediately towards it. Eyes still closed, Chris began sucking on it eagerly, his face relaxing once again.

 

Louis marveled at the sight and the feeling of feeding his baby. His breath stuck in his throat as slowly, Chris blinked open his eyes for the first time. Green. Bright green eyes like Harry's stared up at him.

 

XXX

 

“Okay so I have 50 bucks on me right now. That's enough for your baby formula and your pack of diapers. Now we should have some left to splurge a little. Do you feel up for a new bottle? Or... a new pacifier?” Louis held up both items in front of the small six month baby. The small baby sat in his baby carrier on the shopping trolley, snuggled tightly in a warm cashmere blanket, blinking up at his father dreamily.

 

Louis smiled as Chris started kicking his small little legs excitedly as he brought the pacifier closer to him. “Hmm... you want the pacifier baby? Okay, pacifier it is.”

 

Louis sighed in relief as the baby clutched the package in his hand excitedly. Chris tried putting it in his mouth, just like he tries to with everything nowadays. He's learned early on to make sure that nothing is close for him to grab with his small arms and took to cleaning everything with disinfectant wipes. He placed the bottle in his other hand back in it's shelf, with a hint of sadness, promising he'll get a new one next week when he gets paid again. They both need the pacifier, seeing as how Chris had cried every night ever since he lost his last one. Louis needs his sleep, just like the other occupants in the house do. He feels guilty everytime he sees his little sisters go to school with bags under their eyes and yawning as they walk through the front doors.

 

He knows he has to start saving every penny he has to buy an apartment, and at the rate he's going he'll probably have enough by the time Chris is three years old. Louis has had enough of Dan's snarky remarks under his breathe and as much as the girls love Chris, he knows they complain to each other as well.

 

XXX

 

Louis sighed watching the small toddler run ahead of him. “Chris please get in the stroller.”

 

The small little devil child just gave him a giggle and started waddling away from him even faster. Louis, sweet naïve Louis, honestly thought it would get easier once he started walking and talking. Ha! Louis sometimes wants to strangle the sassy little munchkin. At the moment they were both walking around a department store, picking up a few things for their apartment, a small one bedroom apartment Louis was able to save throughout the years to move into. His mum was in tears the day he moved out but he's never been more relieved. He needed his own space and so did Chris. The one bedroom of the house was for his baby, while Louis happily took the couch that had a pull out mattress for himself. Louis honestly didn’t need a room, fine exactly where he was, especially since he could just afford a one bedroom at the moment. It was alright, they were both comfortable, had a roof over their heads and his baby wasn't going to sleep hungry. That was all that was important.

 

That and his mother would still come every once in a while with bags full of grocery. He would object but she always shut him up with a glare.

 

Louis' train of thoughts came to a complete stop as he saw Chris stand in front of the escalator. “Chris, no! Come back here!”

 

Louis quickened his pace and glared at the small child. Chris just turned to him, the mischievous glint in his eyes telling him he found this all amusing. “Chris.” Louis hissed but to his horror, the toddler stuck out his small leg and was about to step on it.

 

Chris squealed in delight as someone scooped him up before he could get on.

 

“Thank you so much!” Louis breathed as he came and stopped in front of the stranger, taking the squirming child from the savior. “Ever since he found out how to unbuckle himself from his stroller, he's been a little monster.”

 

“It's not childproof?”

 

Louis scoffed, “Yea but not Chris proof.”

 

The man laughed and Louis blinked up at him. He was really gorgeous. Tall, well muscled, blonde, and with beautiful hazel eyes. He smiled down at Louis, showing an array of straight white teeth. “Well, you have a very smart child and he's very, very cute. You and your husband are two very lucky people.”

 

“Thanks.” Louis whispered shyly, adjusting a still squirming Chris on his hip. Then he realized what he said and blushed, “Oh – um, no husband.”

 

“My apologies, boyfriend. Sorry for assuming.”

 

Louis shifted uncomfortably now, forcing out a small laugh. “No, boyfriend either.”

 

“Oh. Well then I guess I'm very lucky. My name's Jacob.” The tall man said, extending his arm for a shake along with a small flirty smile.

 

Now, Louis laughed whole-hardheartedly, taking the hand in front of him. “Louis.”

 

“Well, Louis. Will and you, and of course your handsome boy as well, join me for lunch?” Jacob smiled sheepishly, a hopeful look on his face. “My treat.”

 

“Oh, um...” Louis stared up at Jacob, completely torn. He hasn't been on a date in years. The were the couple times, Lottie and the girls looked after Chris and pushed Louis out the door to go out for once, that he was able to hook up with someone, but he never even bothered to remember their names after that. Never bothered staying the night either, needing to go home to the only boy that mattered to him. Louis looked down at a pouting Chris in his arms, biting his lip and considering his options. While it was just lunch, Louis was desperately afraid of letting anyone close. Being with Louis, meant being with Chris, and he wasn't prepared to let someone in Chris' life that might not stay indefinitely. He wasn’t putting his baby through what he had to go though as a child. With that thought in mind, Louis looked up at Jacob regrettably. “I'm sorry, I'm going to have to say no.”

 

Jacob smiled sadly, and nodded. “I understand.”

 

Louis bit his lip, “Thank you though. I'm flattered.”

 

Jacob swallowed and nodded kindly, “No problem, goodbye Louis. And goodbye to you, cutie. Stay away from escalators, okay?” Jacob winked at a giggling Chris and both of them saw the tall blonde walk away.

 

Louis sighed and looked down at his son. “Now, come on peanut. I'm going to strap you in once more, and if you get out, no McDonalds for you, got it?”

 

Chris nodded eagerly, eyes wide and innocent. Louis rolled his eyes, not believing him for a second, but a small smile on his face nonetheless. It was just him and Chris – and they both liked it that way.

 

6 YEARS LATER

 

Louis definitely got his wish in hoping Peanut will have green eyes. Unfortunately that was the only wish that was mercifully granted to him. His little peanut, who was growing more and more every day, has unfortunately inherited Louis mischievous and playful nature. An inheritance that continuously tests Louis' patience. He swear its his punishment for being a wicked child to his own mother.

 

Louis was currently in the Study Aids section of Barnes and Noble, looking for a basic math workbook for Chris. His teacher recommended he brush up on his math skills and try to work on it at home as well as school, so here he was trying to be a dutiful papa and buying him some extra workbooks for help. He couldn't afford a private tutor, so this was the next best thing. Problem is, Chris hates math, especially if it means he'll have to start doing more of it. So the small curly haired child was running up and down the aisles trying to act like a spy, hiding from his papa.

 

“Chris!” Louis called out from where he was standing, looking up from the back of a workbook and to an empty aisle. “Chris, come back here now!” Louis sighed and looked back down, trying to decide if this one was good enough and if it covered the whole math curriculum. After a few seconds of skimming at the back cover, he frowned and looked back up. Chris still hasn't made a noise.

 

Strange. Normally Louis lets Chris stray just a little while looking at the books, mostly because he can always hear the small child. Chris is loud, and almost never shuts up. Louis is 99% sure if he ever gets kidnapped, the kidnapper will just end up returning the kid himself after an hour with him.

 

But now he can't hear his baby and Louis is maybe, kinda panicking now. Walking out of the aisle, Louis looked around him, but couldn't spot a curl off his little head, nor hear a sound. The not hearing anything scared him the most. Biting his lip, he walked quickly a couple bookshelves down to the toys section. “Chris, I'm not buying you a toy! You'll just have to wait until Christ...mas?” He trailed off, furrowing his eyebrows at the absence of his son in the toys section. There was just a small girl kneeling down in front of a pile of dolls and a couple boys sitting down looking through the toys. No Chris.

 

Surprised that this wasn't Chris' first destination, Louis walked a bit towards the center of the store checking each aisle, his heart rate increasing by the second. He wouldn’t let the thought of losing Chris indefinitely enter his mind. That was his baby... the only one he has... God no...

 

He tried to calm himself down. Chris is a smart kid and knows if he really can't find him, head to Customer Service and give his name and Louis phone number – a number he made sure Chris remembered by heart. Obviously, this has happened many times before, and Louis knows not much happens in Doncaster. Its a pretty small town, and everyone knows each other. Everyone knows Chris – hard not to notice the spirited child.

 

“Papa!”

 

Louis sighed in relied. “Oh thank god...” He turned to the direction of his son's voice, ready to lecture him for going too far but the words died in his throat. Louis eyes widened comically and he let his mouth drop open.

 

There, trailing behind his son, was Harry Styles, the unknown sperm donor of aforementioned son. And god, did he look just as good as he did on graduation day. If anything, he looked better... _sexier_.

 

Harry has his hair a bit longer now, almost touching his shoulders, a much more defined jawline, and gone is all the childhood fat around his face and body. He is all man now, Louis gulps letting his eyes keep wandering down Harry's body. He's wearing sinfully tight skinny jeans, tan boots, and an expensive looking black, long coat.

 

Louis is now painfully aware of his tattered looking vans, unshaven face, and baggy sweatshirt. He was thinking about comfort today, not “metting-old-one-night-stand-turned-baby-daddy”, when dressing this morning.

 

“Harry...” He finally breathed out, when they both came to stand in front of him.

 

Harry just continued to stare at Louis as well, mouth open and looking as shocked as Louis was to find him. Louis would’ve been smug about Harry obviously checking him out, if it wasn’t for the way he was dressed. Shuffling nervously, he looked down at Chris who was frowning.

 

“Papa, you know Mr. Harry?”

 

Harry snapped his mouth shut and stared in shock at Chris' words. “Papa?” He whispered, his face scrunched in confusion.

 

Oh no...

 

Louis squared his shoulders and made a split-second decision in getting the hell out of here. This was no time to test Harry's ability to do math and put one and one together. Louis took a hold of his son's hand and pulled him towards him. “Yes, baby, a long time ago. Now let's go. I called a taxi already and I think it should be here now.” Louis explained to the small child quickly, lying through his teeth but positive Chris wouldn’t know that until they were as far, far away from Harry as possible.

 

Louis held on to Chris small hand and led him quickly to the exit, dropping the books he had in his hands in the nearest available space. They were almost to freedom, when Harry shouted out. “Louis!” He sounded pissed off and that can only mean he's probably very close to figuring it out.

 

Closing his eyes for a second, Louis ignored him and continued on. He and Chris were almost running now. For the past 6 years, Louis successfully had his son all to himself – mostly on pure luck. Not even a year after Harry moved away from Doncaster did Anne move as well. From what he overheard from his mother on the phone with her friends, she had moved to Holmes Chapel, a town a lot further north. After that, Louis was relaxed and free to move around town with his small green-eyed babe. Harry never made much friends in town, choosing to stick to himself, so no one really made the connection, nor did the news ever travel to him. His mother, Jay, on the other hand took one narrowed-eyed stare at Chris when he was a few months old and demanded to know the name of the baby's father. She didn't talk to him for weeks but eventually forgave him, and to his relief, promised not to tell anyone she knew. Everyone always wondered about the Chris' father, but Louis stayed tight-lipped, letting everyone gossip amongst themselves.

 

“Papa, why are you going so fast?” Chris whined, trying to keep up.

 

He felt the young kid yank at his arm a couple times, wanting Louis to let him go but he wasn’t budging. Instead, Louis stopped for a small second to turn to him and pick him up from the ground, Chris immediately wounding his arms around his neck, and legs around his waist, despite protests that he was a big kid now. Now where was that argument when Chris was halfway asleep on the couch and wanted Louis to carry him to bed?

 

Louis reached out his free hand to the exit door when he felt an hand collide with his and land on the handle. He stopped dead in his tracks as Harry moved in front of the door, blocking his escape.

 

“Mr. Harry?” Chris asked in confusion.

 

Harry's eyes flickered to Chris and in that moment, Louis knew that Harry figured it out. It's a pretty plain assumption to make, actually. Chris looks every bit his age, a healthy 6 year old, and all you had to do was add the nine months of pregnancy and ta-da! You get a very rough estimate of the date of conception – Prom night, seven years ago. Add in a virgin Louis, a drunken Louis, and zero condoms – because hey, Harry was definitely not expecting to get laid and Louis, well Louis was too drunk to even know who he was allowing to fuck him, not to mention ignorant to the fact that he was a Carrier. Chris is also a creepy carbon copy of Harry. Green eyes, curly hair, and dimples to match. It was a bit eerie to Louis standing there in between father and son, who were both looking at each other.

 

Harry cleared his throat and stared at the boy in Louis arms with something akin to pure wonder. “How old are you Chris?”

 

Louis covered Chris mouth before he could respond with his age, aggravated at the fact that Harry already knows his name. Goodness, Louis really needs to teach this kid about talking to strangers. It's fucking top priority right now. No introducing yourself to strangers! Even if they look like they might be your long-lost daddy! “You know I really would appreciate it if you don't speak to my son anymore. Just.. continue on with your life Styles and forget I exist. Remember, it's how you prefer it?” Louis raised his eyebrows at him with a stern glare, lips pursed and daring him to argue. Graduation day was at the forefront of their minds now, both remembering the words shouted at each other.

 

Harry frowns at him, “Then you answer the question. How old is he? Better yet, tell me his birthday? Or, just come out and say it Louis.” He glares at Louis, stepping a bit closer. “Who's the father?”

 

Louis stares at him, unable to form the words. He lifts his hand from Chris' mouth and settles it under his tush, carrying his weight better now. “Umm....” He looked around at the people milling about the bookshelves, obviously listening in their argument. Scowling, he turned back to the taller man. “Look this isn’t a conversation we should be having here.”

 

Harry inhaled sharply, taking it as a confirmation of his suspicions. His gaze wavered to the small boy in Louis' arms. When Harry was walking earlier around the bookshelves, he never expected to almost trip over the small child who was laying across the floor. Chris was just lazily flipping through a kids book he had found, body draped across the floor, vulnerable to people stepping on him. Harry had almost had a heart attack and began to apologize profusely, until he gazed into his eyes. The boys eyes were so similar to his... and god he looked just like he did when he was younger. Light, almost blonde, hair that curled a bit on the edges, which is obviously turning into a darker brown shade as well. The small boy just giggled and sat up, introducing himself as Chris and explaining that it was perfectly fine. Then, to Harry's amusement began telling him a page by page account of the book, finishing off with a sad sigh. Apparently Chris knew his papa wouldn't buy it for him, because it's Christmas soon and he has to save his money.

 

 

(Chris but with bright green eyes. *Heart-Eyes Emoji* Feel free to imagine him as you want though.)

 

Chris talked – a lot. But Harry was fondly hanging on to every word, finding the small child absolutely delightful. There was something about Chris that Harry connected to at that moment. Be it the way he scrunched up his nose that reminded him somewhat of someone in his past, or the way he just accepted Harry as a friend immediately. Harry continued to introduce himself and ask where his mom and dad were. Chris frowned and said he only has one papa. Not wanting to leave the small boy alone on the floor, Harry suggested they go find his dad. Chris then grinned and nodded, grabbing his hand and leading him around the store until they found him. Never did Harry expect he will be lead straight to Louis Tomlinson, his old high shcool bully.

 

Blinking down at Chris now settled in Louis arms, Harry shook his head and walked straight out of the store and into the snowy December air. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Comments/Reviews?? :D


	4. Break Me Down Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii :) This chapter is definitely a lot shorter, but since I've been reading a lot of the comments, I remember someone mentioning how they prefer shorter chapters with quicker updates than a whole big spiel once a month. So I'll try. TRY. 
> 
> Some were also confused on how I cut off the last chapter. lol ^.^ Well that was more for me - I read it over and just wanted to entertain the thought of Harry actually leaving them at the store. It was just food for thought really. Like what if he left? Obviously, no he's not going to though, so I cut it. Forgive me for the confusion D:
> 
> But Thank You (!!) all for the feedback and hope you enjoy this one! It was probably the hardest but most fun chapter to write so far. That's why it's written and done so quickly. I tried my best. Anyways... here ya go.

Blinking down at Chris now settled into Louis arms, Harry shook his head and walked out of the store and into the snowy December air. It wasn't until the freezing cold touched his face, did Harry realize that a few tears had escaped.

 

Hearing the door open and close behind him, he heard footsteps approach him. “Harry?”

 

Harry shook his head and held up a hand, silencing whatever Louis was going to say – Louis was glad, because he honestly did not know what to say. Harry ran a hand over his face in exhaustion, a deep groan vibrating from his chest. He had left Louis Tomlinson in his past and everything he stood for. He shook off his insecurities, the labels and nightmares. He was a good place in his life, he worked so damn hard to achieve everything he's done, only to be back in the same high school hallways that tormented him for years.

 

He's always loved kids – absolutely adored babies. Nothing made Harry happier than imagining having his own one day, just not with someone he's hated for so long. Not with someone who's caused so much of Harry's misery and self-hatred. Yet, Louis Tomlinson has now given Harry the most amazing gift and is the reason for the complete shift in Harry's heart. As soon as his eyes met the green ones of Chris, his whole life became focused and tethered to his. His love for Chris was simple, effortless – _instinctual_. While Louis – how is he supposed to act around the one who's given birth and raised his son?

 

_Fuck!_

 

He has a kid. The thought is so outrageous and new, it's making Harry dizzy. He's a father. Six or so years ago his baby was born and he didn't know. Harry wasn't a part of  _anything_ ! No birthday parties, first words, first steps, first day of school. 

 

He heard Louis stop somewhere next to him, “Harry.” Sigh. “Harry-look-”

 

Harry gave a small sarcastic laugh, eyes still covered roughly by a hand. “Dont. Just-” Harry let out a deep breath, his other hand motioning circles near his temple. “Still processing.”

 

A silence settled between them and then a high pitched voice broke it. “What does processing mean papa?”

 

Harry's head snapped up to the side and stared at his baby. He continued staring at Chris while Louis answered him, blue eyes still looking at Harry in apprehension. “Uh – trying to figure out? Realize, or deal with, baby.”

 

“Ohh...” Chris let out, his small red lips forming an 'O'. It was clear he still didn’t have a clue. “Papa, can we go now? I'm hungry.”

 

That spurned Harry into action. “Come. We could all go out to eat. I haven’t eaten either.” Harry motioned for them to follow and led them towards his black Range Rover in the parking lot, not even looking at Louis.

 

Louis gulped and looked at the expensive looking car. Hugging Chris to him, he began to protest, “Look we can meet another day and I'll explain everything. I should really -”

 

Harry shot him a vicious look. “Get in the car, Tomlinson. We're going to talk. All of us.” He forced a smile on his face and that scared Louis even more. “ _Then_ you can explain.”

 

Louis' eyes widened. Get in the car? He doesn’t know Harry that well, he could be a serial killer now for all he knows. He doesn’t trust that Harry cares at all that Chris is his son, clearly Louis' father didn’t care nor did the stepfather after him. Then again, this was bound to happen, it was completely unavoidable. They had to talk. Even though Louis wished with all his might that he had a day to think about this, he knew he couldn’t stall any longer. Slowly, he opened the door in the back to let Chris in and after a moment of consideration, he jumped in next to his son.

 

“Oh, are we all going out to eat dinner? Where are we going Mr. Harry?” Chris exclaimed as he scooted over near the center console. Louis pulled him back into his seat and buckled his seat belt.

 

Harry nodded and started the car, pulling out of his parking spot slowly. “How about a restaurant? I know of one nearby I used to love going to when I lived here. It'll be a good neutral place to talk.” Yeah, a place full of witnesses in case Harry tries to strangle him, Louis thinks staring out the window.

 

“What's neutral?”

 

“Harry, don't you think, maybe we should talk tomorrow? The two of us?” Louis burst out, turning to face the driver.

 

“What about me?” Chris pouted, only smiling again once Louis starts raking a hand through his hair comfortingly.

 

“No!” Harry glares at him through the rearview mirror. “Let me be in his presence for another hour at least before you take him with you. I deserve that much, don’t you think?” Harry says sarcastically. He lets out a noise of frustration, running hand through his hair,“God, there are so many questions. Why, Louis? Just-” Another sigh, and Harry stops the car at a red lights, staring at the road ahead. He kept massaging his temple, a headache forming.

 

Louis just bites his lip and continues staring out the window. _Don't cry._

 

Harry turns to look at Chris, his son. God, that boy is his _son_. Harry can't stop repeating it in his head. “So Chris, tell me about yourself? What were you looking for at the bookstore?”

 

Chris wrinkled his nose. “Math books. My teacher says I need to work on math but math sucks! Its the most evilest thing there is! No one needs math!” Chris sassed out, raised eyebrows and everything.

 

Harry smiled and let him rant, choosing not to correct him. He started making his way to the restaurant, thankful that after so many years away nothing much has changed. On the way he asked Chris questions about him and his life while Louis looked on at their conversation nervously, scared of letting Chris get attached to someone who might not stay but feeling completely helpless in stopping it. Christian Avery Tomlinson goes to first grade, wants a puppy more than anything else, and is 6 years old. Louis ignored the look Harry sent him when he found out Chris' age. Christian almost always called Chris and, to his chagrin, also admitted to being called Peanut sometimes by his papa.

 

Louis smiled at the irony of Chris's nickname, him being allergic to peanuts and all. He remembers what a chaotic and emotional roller coaster of a day it was when he found out and had to spend the day in the doctors office. Lottie says he jinxed it by calling Chris “Peanut” for so long. Louis thinks Fate just has a twisted sense of humor.

 

Harry's eyes met Louis' in the rearview mirror, causing Louis' smile to falter and quickly look away. Harry tightened his hands on the steering wheel and focused on Chris' excited chatter as Louis began fiddling with his son's coat, getting him ready to go back out into the cold.

 

They arrived at the place, and waited as Harry quickly found a spot to park in. They climbed out of the car in silence, the only one talking being Chris. Chris grabbed Louis hand and continued to talk to Harry non-stop. They talked about movies, books, TV characters, video games, and by the time their food was being served in front of them, Harry's head was spinning with Minecraft terminology, The Hobbit, Disney channels shows, Legos, and comics.

 

Louis finally spoke up, “Chris please eat your food, and let Harry eat in peace.”

 

“No, it's fine. I like hearing him.” Harry shared a smile with Chris as the small child began to shove chips into his mouth, all drowned in ketchup. Harry turned to Louis, who sat across from him. “Besides this is what we came here for. To talk.”

 

Louis looked down at his food, “And what is it you want to talk about?”

 

Harry scoffed, “Really, Louis?”

 

Louis played a bit with the spoon in his hand, not meeting his gaze. “Just ask your questions and I'll answer.”

 

“How about when on earth were you going to tell me?!” He yelled a bit too loudly, causing Chris to pause and look at him with wide eyes and the neighboring people turn to them as well.

 

Louis blushed under everyone’s stares and hissed at him, “Keep it down, would you?! And I was going to... was planning on it... but..” He trailed off, not having an actual answer.

 

“But?” Harry pressed, eyebrows raised. After a couple of seconds of Louis saying nothing he continued, “But nothing! This is something you should have told me about as soon as you found out!”

 

“No it isn’t! For your information I found out days after graduation and you had made it perfectly clear you wanted nothing to do with me after that. You went off and went to school, had a life of your own. I wasn't going to ruin all that for you. Besides I did stop by your house to tell you. I did, but you had already left for school, how was I supposed tell you?”

 

“Bulls-” Harry inhaled sharply, angry beyond belief, but stopping himself from cursing in front of Chris. “It's not like my mum didn't live a couple streets down from your mum. If you needed to contact me, you definitely could have. You just chose not to! And … and..” Harry broke off blinking rapidly, eyes bright with unshed tears.

 

Harry is _heartbroken_. He loves kids and the thought that he unknowingly left his kills him inside.

 

Louis looks away, guilt twisting his heart. Yes, maybe he should have tried harder. Yet, something inside him wanted to keep Chris all to himself. Chris was his baby, his own child. “You... you didn't want to be here anymore, stuck here in a small town. And you couldn't even stand the sight of me, you said so yourself. Yet you seriously expected me to tell you that I was pregnant?”

 

“Yes!” Harry hissed at him with a glare.

 

Louis swallowed and looked around. People were looking away pointedly and Chris, poor Chris was eating his food, turned away uncomfortably. He had no idea what they were saying but could tell it was upsetting to both adults. “Look,” He whispered softly to Harry, who had followed his gaze to the small child, “He's never had to be in the middle of an argument and I don’t want to start now. Especially if we're going to tell him, about you being – you know – to him. We can't fight like this in front of him, so please keep it down.” Louis leveled him with a stern face.

 

Harry nodded and looked at his son once more, “He will know who I am, soon right?”

 

Louis stayed silent.

 

“ _Louis_.” Harry gritted out.

 

“Yea, he will.” Louis whispered, going back to his food. Then again Chris wasn't a stupid child, he might not have any idea what they're talking about, but he most certainly is probably suspecting Harry to be someone of importance. Chris always wanted to have a second parent, like everyone else in his class. Always asked Louis enough times before bed to tell him about his father, but Louis just smiled sadly and said he wasn't around. Louis knew he alone wasn't enough for Chris sometimes, whenever there was a parent teacher conference he couldn’t make or there were at the park surrounded by kids with their parents. It hurt Louis to realize he wasn't enough, but he still tried his damn best.

 

Louis looked up at Harry and asked the question plaguing his mind, “And what now?”

 

Harry's eyes snapped to him. “I'm not leaving,” Harry whispered angrily, amazed that Louis will imply he'll do anything besides staying. “I'm going to have to extend my stay here for another week and we'll discuss how we'll go about this permanently.”

 

Permanently. Louis swallowed his food thickly, his mouth dry. He knew this was now as permanent as it gets, not having the heart to keep Harry away from Chris now that he knows the truth. Louis nodded and played with the food on his plate, appetite gone. “And uh, where do you live?” He hoped it wasn't still America, he could not, will not, send his baby overseas. Yet, he can hear the barely noticeable change in Harry's accent, a sign that Harry spent years away from England. “And why are you back at here in Donny? I heard your mother moved away years ago.”

 

“Pretty convenient for you that was, wasn't it?” Harry frowned, watching Louis shrug and pop a chip in his mouth, if only to have something to do and partly as an excuse to not talk. “But I live in London.”

 

Louis isn't surprised .“Harry, that's far.”

 

Harry sighed, “The distance will make no difference. I'll be around now, most likely move here, I don’t know. I'll think of something.” Harry sighed for the tenth time and raked a hand through his hair, plans circling in his head. So many things he had to move around and change.

 

“You don't have to do anything, especially move.”

 

Harry gritted his teeth, “I'll move next door to you, if I have to.”

 

Louis raised his eyebrow, a bit irked now. Honestly, he was being a bit melodramatic – okay maybe he wasn't. Finding out you had a son, was shocking, and he was surprised to see Harry taking it so well. Angry, but accepting and that was the least Louis could be grateful for. “I doubt you and your Range Rover will fit in our complex, but you're more than welcomed. Might get a couple of police officers knocking at your door thinking your dealing drugs, but other than that it's a real walk through the park.” Louis smiled sarcastically, enjoying Harry's frown. “Why are you even back?”

 

“For Nancy's funeral.”

 

Louis blinked at him. Nancy? Who the hell was Nancy? Louis looked at Harry's stiff posture and how for a moment his eyes flashed with sadness instead of the usual anger. “Nancy? Who-” Louis then remembered years ago, a young Harry talking fondly about a Nancy Sherwood as he scribbled out his goodbyes. “Our old school librarian?”

 

Harry gave a curt nod, focusing on cutting a piece of his steak “I was at the bookstore looking for her favorite book. Pure nostalgia really.” Harry shrugged. “During school we had our own personal book club and read almost every book in her library. I helped her with her book orders so I was able to fill up her library with modern fiction instead of the usual boring ones used in classes.”

 

Louis smiled softly, observing his hunched form. It was clear that Harry was still hurting, but wasn't exactly sad. From his days in school, Louis vaguely recalls the librarian as a very old lady. Except instead of the motherly figure Harry kept describing, Louis just remembered a mean old hag who glared at you whenever you made a noise in the library. He cleared his throat and looked over to see Chris playing with his food. Laying a hand on his small hands, Louis asked, “What was the quote?”

 

“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense.” Harry smiled happily, his eyes crinkling.

 

“What?” Louis looked at him as if he was crazy. Is he really going to let his son be around him?

 

Chris giggled beside him though, finding the quote hilarious. “Nonsense! My world will be nonsense too! With candy canes as trees! And flying dogs!”

 

Harry smiled softly at him. “That's a quote from Alice In Wonderland, Chris. I'll let you have the book so you can read it too.”

 

Chris scrunched his nose at the thought of reading and quickly turned back around before, god forbid, any one of them brought up more homework as well.

 

Louis observed him quietly, biting his lip. “She must have been a great woman.”

 

“Mad. She was mad.” Harry looked down at his hands. “I was mad, we were all mad....”

 

Louis looked around, eyes wide. Yeah, he could see that Harry was going crazy. Maybe he knocked him into the locker one to many times.

 

Harry shook his head and finally realized who he was talking to. Clearing his throat, he continued, “Yea, she was pretty amazing.”

 

“Well, I'm sorry for your loss. Was she married? I could only imagine how it must be for her family.”

 

Harry smiled and shook his head, “Thank you. And no, she was a self-proclaimed Jane Austen. Never married, but was a hopeless romantic.”

 

Louis didn't get it. Jane Austen never married? Well he at least gave himself credit for even recognizing the name of the author.

 

They lapsed into silence, Louis feeling more awkward than ever when Harry gave his all-black credit card to the waiter as soon as the check was placed on the table. “We should – uh, get going.” Louis avoided eye contact with Harry as he started cleaning up the mess.

 

Harry looked startled, looking from his son to Louis. “But we barely talked. Where do you live? When can I take him?” Chris lifted up his head from his seat at that question.

 

“Take _me_? Oh, I wanna go! Where are we going Mr. Harry?”

 

Harry smiled happily, and Louis had to hold a hand to stop them from continuing. “Okay, hold up. You're not taking him anywhere. Not anytime soon. I agreed to dinner because we had to... to do this. I couldn’t really say no, and I’m not going to keep him from you.”

 

“You _can't_ keep him from me.” There goes all traces of civility. Harry blindly took back his receipt and card back from the mousy waiter, who was blushing and trying her best to pretend she wasn’t able to hear the conversation.

 

Louis paused and stared at him. “I'm his parent. The only one he knows.”

 

“Not by choice on my part.” Harry leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Do you know what I do for a living? I'm a lawyer – a prosecutor to be exact and a pretty good one if I say so myself. So-”

 

Louis gasped. “Are you threatening me?”

 

“ _No_. But-” Harry snapped his mouth shut in annoyance as Louis interrupted him once again.

 

“No. You listen here.” Louis stood up from his seat. “We can go to court if you want. I don't want to put Chris in the middle but if I have to I will.”

 

“I _don't_ want to go to court.” Harry stood up as well. “But stop, sit down. We need to talk.”

 

Louis took Chris' jacket from behind his seat and motioned for him to get up. “Come, love. Get your coat on.”

 

“Louis...” Harry sighed and stood up as well, putting on his own coat. He left a tip for the waiter (adding a bit extra for the discomfort) and followed the two outside, unlocking the doors to his car with a press of a button. “What do you do for a living?”

 

Louis looked over as he got into the passenger seat. “I work at a restaurant.”

 

“What do you do at the restaurant?”

 

“I'm a waiter.” Louis blushed softly. “I might not be a hotshot lawyer but it provides enough. We're good. Have been for years – without you.”

 

Harry frowned and looked over. “I'm sure you were, but that doesn't mean I don't have to provide for him now as well.”

 

Louis pursed his lips and looked out the window. “We don't need your money.”

 

Harry shook his head. His head has been swirling with numbers and questions and plans since he found out about Chris. “It's not a question. You either accept the money I'm going to give you weekly, or I set up an account under Chris' name and put it all in there.”

 

Chris scooted closer in the front center of the car. “What about Chris?”

 

Louis turned to him angrily. “Chris! Sit back down properly and put on your seatbelt.”

 

Chris frowned and sat back down.

 

“Seatbelt.”

 

Chris sighed loudly and started putting it on.

 

Harry glanced back at the pouting face in his rearview mirror. “Is he usually so feisty?”

 

Louis looked over and noticed the small smile on his face. “Don't smile. It'll encourage him. And yes, usually he is. He's a real pain in the neck but my pain in the neck.” Louis turned back to share a small smile with Chris. Turning to Harry, he started whispering so the small kid in the back wouldn’t overhear. “It's always just been me and him. Sometimes my mum would take care of him when I can't but it's always been us two. I'll need time. Let me talk to him first before you start going all... parental on him. And we'll talk again about that account.”

 

“I'm good with that. I'll take anything I can honestly.” Harry breathed out.

 

Louis nodded and turned back to look at the road, remembering to tell Harry the directions to his apartment. They made it there in silence, feeling like there were too many things being left unsaid. Harry parked in front of the main glass set of doors that was the entrance to his apartment complex, not hiding his worry as he stared at the huge crack on the glass doors, the group of (most likely) drug dealers at the corner of the building, and the run down building. Harry abruptly averted eye contact at the group of baggy clothed men as soon as they started eyeing his car.

 

“You live here?”

 

Louis opened his mouth to answer.

 

“How does Chris get to school? Please tell me you take him.”

 

Louis closed his mouth back up, sighing loudly. “Yes. For three years now. And yes I do.” He turned to go but, before Louis can open the door to get out the car, he felt Harry softly touch his arm.

 

“Louis...” Harry swallowed and looked at him pleadingly. “I'm staying at the Bed Western Mount Pleasant. Can I see him tomorrow? Can I have your number? Or you can take mines?”

 

He looked lost, his mouth opened again ready to suggest something else, but Louis beat him to it. “I can take your number.” That way Louis can decide when to communicate with him first.

 

Harry nodded and started looking around wildly for a pen and paper. “Hold on... I have a pen here... and...”

 

Louis sighed and pulled out his phone. “What are the numbers, Styles?”

 

Harry snapped his head up and stuttered out his phone number. When he finished, Louis locked his mobile and started climbing out. He went and opened the door for Chris but saw Harry outside already lifting Chris out of the car on his side. He observed quietly from his side of the car as Harry bent down and smiled softly. “Bye Chris. I'm very, very glad I met you today.”

 

“Me too Mr. Harry!” Chris grinned toothily at him as Harry softly pushed his hair back.

 

“Okay.” Harry stood up and hugged Chris towards him tightly. Louis sucked in a breath and looked away as Harry's tearful eyes met his own. Clearing his throat, Harry finally stepped away. “Alright, well I'll see you soon, okay?”

 

Chris looked up at him in sweet confusion. “Are you okay, Mr. Harry?”

 

“Yea.” Harry breathed out, smiling down at him. “Yea of course. I'm definitely okay now.”

 

Chris nodded and waved a final goodbye, walking around to hold Louis' outstretched hand. Harry watched from the street as Louis held Chris to his side as they made it to the entrance.

 

“Bye, Mr. Harry!”

 

Harry smiled and waved once more to the small kid, his hand still in the air long before the unlocked the main doors and disappeared up the stairs.

 

Sighing, Harry stared longingly up the building, wondering which apartment number was Louis. Cursing, he regretted not asking that. He regretted not asking a lot of other things as well. There was still so much to learn and this dinner went far too fast for his liking.

 

Climbing into the car, Harry just sat there for a couple more minutes, head buried in his hands. He was probably due for a mental breakdown soon. Putting his car in drive, he set off for the motorway, following the signs to Holmes Chapel, stopping only to fill up his gas tank. He along ago reserved himself tot he idea of living in his car part time starting today.

 

XXX

 

“Hey mum!”

 

Harry smiled sheepishly as soon as the door to the house opened up, spilling light onto the dark concrete.

 

“Harry!” Anne gasped, smiling wildly in her pajamas and robe, a manicure hand coming to rest on her chest. “Baby, I didn’t know you were coming! Come in, come in!”

 

“It's not too late is it?”

 

Anne shook her head wildly, “No, no, of course not! Never for you, silly! I was just watching some X Factor, but this is such a nice surprise. I was just telling Robin the other day that we had to go visit you one of these days. Always so busy.” She laughed, pinching his cheeks.

 

“Mum.” Harry laughed uncomfortably. He regrets not visiting her often, but work was hectic 7 days out of the week. “And where is Robin?”

 

“Robin is actually not even home yet, he had to travel out of town for a business meeting today. Might be coming very late.” She said, steering him into the kitchen. She decided not to mention the absence of an overnight bag, although giving him a fleeting questioning glance. Harry never visits unless it's a guaranteed stay of more than two days. They don’t live anywhere near each other for anything less to be comfortable.

 

“Did you eat? I'll reheat some leftovers. You have to tell me how was the funeral. How are you feeling? She was such a nice lady.” Anne said sadly, rummaging in the cupboard.

 

“No Mum, I just ate before heading over here. And I'm fine. It was really nice, considering it was a funeral.”

 

“Oh.” Anne turned to put back the plate she already had out, her shoulders deflating a bit. Harry felt his stomach twist. “Well that's good.”

 

“But do you still have more of your banana creme pie?”

 

Anne smiled brightly again and teased out. “Someones been stalking my Instagram.”

 

Harry laughed, “You post a different dessert almost everyday, trying to lure me back home with sweets?”

 

Anne sighed. “I wish.”

 

Harry's smile faltered as she turned around and pulled out a foil covered dish from the fridge. After Harry moved out, Anne developed a strong case of Empty Nest Syndrome. She tried to immerse herself in baking everyday, working on her garden and knitting as many scarves and hats as she could, but it wasn't until she met Robin that Gemma and Harry finally breathed in relief.

 

Anne sat across from him on the kitchen island, watching Harry chew slowly on his dessert. They stayed quiet for a few seconds until she reached over and tucked in a stray curl behind his ear. “What's wrong?”

 

Harry swallowed, not having an appropriate answer. He didn’t bother hiding the fact that something was even wrong in the first place, the both knew there was, but Harry had no idea what to do about it. He wanted to talk to someone, more specifically his mother, about it but he doubted just coming out with 'Hey, congrats, you’re a grandma?' was probably going to earn him a whack over the head. “What's wrong?” wasn't such an easy question to answer.

 

Oh, he can answer it broadly.

 

_A lot._

 

A lot was wrong. A lot of problems that didn’t have simple solutions. Harry couldn’t leave Chris in Doncaster, he couldn’t leave him ever gain. At the same time, he couldn’t leave his job in London, a city about 2 hours or so away from him. Sure, he was a very sought after lawyer, having a page long list of references, a clientele that will follow him to any practice, and a 95% winning streak. He could get a job anywhere – but it wasn’t a apart of his _plan_. Two more years and he'll be made partner. Another so years and he'll take over completely. He was already settled in a routine that took years to achieve, now all that's been flipped.

 

“Harry?”

 

“So... I have a son.” Harry held his breath, looking up at her.

 

Pause.

 

And then he broke down, startling his mum. “Fuck, mum. I have a son.”

 

Anne got up and held him tightly as he cried, closing her eyes at he explained everything.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THOUGHTS??? *Bites nails* *hides under covers* There's still more they need to talk about so obviosuly not all is said, it's only been a day but... but i tried.... * goes to cry with Harry*


	5. Daddy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry.

“Mum, say something.”

Anne sat in silence, her hands clasped in front of her around her mug of hot tea – her third cup of the night. She had stayed silent throughout his whole explanation, barely able to recall the night Harry left the house to go to Prom some seven years ago. She does remember him not coming home until the morning after, but never bothered to ask. Harry was always a good kid, a responsible kid. Knew he never got in trouble, or ever left the house other than to head to work or the library. She let him stay out all night because she has never seen him do it before – and it was Prom! Anne was more than happy to have him sleep over someones house than to have him drive under the influence of alcohol. 

Alcohol. Anne almost laughed. Never did she think he was coming home from a night of sex. That's something a mother does not need to know nor like to imagine. Breathing in a long sigh, she looked at Harry's scared face from the top of her mug. He looked deathly pale. At twenty five Harry was still scared of disappointing his mother. With that thought, Anne finally dropped her facade. She snorted into her cup and finally let her shoulders shake with laughter.

“Mum?” Harry's eyes widened.

“Oh baby!” Anne smiled, shaking her head still laughing. “Come here!” She motioned for him to move around the marble kitchen island and give her a hug. Harry dropped his face into her neck. “It'll be fine.. it's going to be alright.”

“I don't know..” His sentence trailed off, burrowing himself further into her robe.

“Don't know what?” Anne pulled away, making him sit next to her but still not letting go of him. “You have to tell me how you feel Harry or else I don’t know what you want me to say. I hope you didn’t think I would be furious. I love you and I will love any grandchild you give me.” Anne almost squealed, absolutely excited to be a grandmother. Although Gemma is her eldest, she always had a feeling Harry would be the first to give her one. He adored kids, while Gemma barely knew how to hold one.

Harry swallowed. “I don’t know how to feel, what to do, how to react. I just don't know in general.”

Anne sighed, taking one of his hands in a tight grip. “Well he's your son, Harry. You have to do the right thing. I know you know better than-”

“No, no I know that. I couldn’t imagine leaving him. I know what to do when it comes to him. I have no doubts about him, it's just...”

“Louis?”

Harry stayed silent.

“He did come looking for you, you know. That summer when you left. He came asking for you, wanting to talk to you. I never imagined it could be that he was pregnant. If I knew I would have taken him inside and talked to him. I could have helped in some way.” Anne frowned, regret filling her. She shouldn’t have let Louis walk away.

“Mum...” Harry paused, not knowing how to tell her the real problem here. “Me and Louis don't really get along. We never got along actually.”

Anne tilted her head in question. “Apparently you got along just fine. You made a child together.”

Harry shook his head, “No. We didn’t care for each other then, everything was... it was just sex mum.” He cringed at having to tell her this but he pushed on. “I hated him mum. In school I hated him so much. He made me hate myself at times.” Harry bit his lip, looking up to see Anne's face.

Now understanding, Anne stared at him in shock, her mouth opening and closing. “He's the one that...” She trailed off, but he nodded. Louis was the one that caused the bruises, the tears, and months of counseling. Her eyes strayed to Harry's wrists where light, faded silvery scars hid behind his jacket and watch. Pursing her lips, she turned and took a gulp of her tea. “Well now I see how it's complicated. Look Harry... baby, I know how tough it was for you back then and how hard it is right now. How hurt and scared you are it'll be like when you were in school. But that was seven years ago. Although I'm a bit hesitant about him, maybe he's changed? We can't ignore him, you two have a son together. You have no choice but to make nice with him, although I do recommend you not let him play with you either. Be strong Harry. I know you're strong. Be there for Chris.” 

Harry nodded, “I don't think I can just forgive him though.”

She squeezed his hands. “Try Harry. Really try to, because if you don't forgive Louis the father of your baby, how will you two work as co-parents? You'll always have Chris in the middle and trust me, bringing a child in the middle is the worst thing possible. Des and I never did that to you and Gemma. I hated your father for the divorce but I still squared my back and forgave him... for you two.”

Harry scrunched his face and shook his head, “Why? Why did you? I wouldn’t have cared.”

“You would have. Maybe you wouldn’t have said it aloud but you would have been hurt as well. And I love you both too much to make you choose between the two of us. I love you Harry, and even today after everything we've been through, I still love Des. For giving me the two most precious gifts in the world.”

Harry nodded, closing his eyes as she leaned in to give him a kiss on the head. “What if... what if he's like that with Chris though?” Harry whispered, the thought just popping into his head and not fading. 

“You think he'll abuse his son?”

Harry shrugged, looking at her in desperation. “I don’t know! I don't know him like that, or at all!” Louis certainly looked like the doting father earlier tonight but then again Harry knows all to well how Louis is when angered as well. Two very different images of Louis kept contradicting each other and fighting for dominance in Harry’s mind. 

“Well there you go. You can't just pop in and start wanting to change things and demand to be a father. But you can start getting to know him and Chris. Little by little.” She rubbed his back comfortingly. “It'll take time. Lots of it. But I'm sure one day Chris will look up to you and love you like a dad. You'll make a wonderful dad Harry.”

“Thanks mum.” Harry said softly, his voice cracking.

“And...” Anne smiled. “One day you'll convince Louis to let you bring Chris over here. I'm dying to meet him, and our family will love him, Harry, just as we would have if we had known seven years ago.”

Harry cracked a small smile. “You would have? Seven years ago you would have been this accepting, really?”

“Oh, I would have been much more angry at first, definitely. You were seventeen, going to school in the states. I would have been worried sick and upset, and god, so disappointed. But we got off easy Harry, you already graduated, with a career, and had time to actually grow into an adult. You can't pretend Louis didn’t get the short hand of the stick here. I can only imagine how his family reacted and how he dealt with being a single parent for those 6 years.”

Harry nodded, wondering about that too. He doesn’t doubt that he would have stayed there, in Doncaster, if he had found out about Louis pregnancy. He wonders just how different he would have been, not having the years after high school (after Louis) to grow into his body and shake off the nightmare that was his past. Harry would trade everything he has today, his car, his job, and his money, if he could have stayed that summer and let Louis come and find him. If he had taken Louis' hand of friendship (or friends with benefits, really he still doesn’t know) on Graduation day, he could have been there for it all.

“Now about you being in London. You can't move to Donny, Harry.” Harry looked up to meet Anne's stern face. “I know I shouldn’t be answering your questions for you and telling you what to do, but I won't let you do that. That's yours Harry. You worked so hard for your career, you can't let go of your plan, you're just going to have to... change it a bit. You're going to have to let go of that workaholic attitude you have and be there for your son, making time for those trips to Doncaster. Your job pays you more than enough and you have to think about Chris' future now, start saving up for his Uni years, change your will, change the benefactor to your life insurance, and … deep breathes Harry.” Anne almost laughed at the paleness of Harry's face. “It's a lot, but you have to do this. You're an adult. You have a son. You have a checklist of things to do.”

Harry nodded, saving everything to memory, and started breathing normally. “Thank you mum. For understanding, for just being here really. I didn’t... I had no idea what to do. I just kept repeating over and over in my head the fact that I have a son now. A son... who's just so amazing.”

“How does he look like?” Anne smiled softly, tucking in a curl behind his ear.

“Oh my gosh,” Harry turned to her smiling. “Like me! He's so small, but he has dark curly hair, my mouth, and my eyes. He has the Styles Dimples.”

She laughed, imagining it perfectly.

“He's so cute, really I cant wait for you to see him. He has so much of Louis, too, like his nose and his love for sports – his personality in general is all Louis. I was never the talkative type but, I'm telling you, Chris can talk to you for hours! Even if he just met you. Louis was always really good at football so he's probably a football prodigy in the making. His full name is Christian Avery, which is a perfect name. He's sooo smart, and he-”

Anne just sat there, watching Harry gush about his son to her, soaking up at much information about her grandchild. They're a bit starved for more of Chris, but Anne knows that one day she'll get to meet the small mini Harry. Eventually Robin came home and joined in the conversation, giving Harry a tight hug in congrats and giving his two cents on the topic as well. 

At around one in the morning, Harry starts making his way to his own bedroom in the house, bidding the couple goodnight as they head towards their own room. Once he wakes up, he'll start heading back to Doncaster and maybe start thinking about doing what should have been done years ago. Forgive Louis.

XXX

“Hey, Chris.” Louis knocks on the door softly. “Can I come in?”

“WAIT!” Louis scrunches his eyebrows at his son's yell and hears loud noises coming from inside the room. Curious, Louis opens the door softly and sees Chris stuff most of his toys under the bed. Toys and clothes he told him to clean up this morning. 

Louis rolled his eyes but waited for him to open the door himself. If this was any other day he would’ve told him off, but Louis was still a bit nervous at how Chris was going to take this. “Hey peanut.” He ruffled his baby's hair when Chris opened the door for him. Room was still a mess. Even after shoving most of his toys under the bed. Clearing a small spot for them on the bed, he sat and patted the bed sheet next to him. “Talk with me for a bit?”

Chris shrugged and climbed up next to him, feet winging back and forth. “Whats up papa?”

“Oh nothing much. How was school?”

“Good! I got to pet a turtle! It was so icky and wet! And moved so slow!”

“Yea? What was its name?”

“Tiger! Weird because hes so slow!” Chris laughed.

Louis tried smiling back at him, but struggled, his heart beating too fast for him to focus. “So baby, how did you like Harry last night?”

Chris shrugged, his smile still painted on his face. “He's tall.”

Louis nodded, his hand slowly tucking a strand of hair behind Chris' ear. He needs a haircut soon. “do you think hes nice?”

“He's-he's very nice!”

“What if I said that... that Harry is your father.”

Chris blinked up at him. “My father?”

“Yes, your dad. Like how I have a mom and a dad. You have two dads. You knew that right?”

Chris nodded. “Yes. Two dads. I know. But where... what?” he frowned, softly scowling.

“Harry is your dad, peanut.” There. He said it, and now Louis was holding his breath.

Chris stopped swinging his legs. “Oh.”

Louis tried smiling back. “Oh?”

“Well... why... where was he?”

Louis bit his lip, not knowing what to respond with. “Well he's been away studying, going to school. And working! He works really hard.”

“But you never said.”

“Well I just didn’t know when he would be finished, when he can come back. To be fair – I didn’t know where he was.”

“And now hes back.”

Louis nodded, a bit scared at Chris expressionless face. It seems as of hes trying his hardest to understand, though, and isn’t throwing a fit like in Louis nightmares – and that’s all really that Louis could hope for. 

“So...” Louis started, trying to get more out of Chris.

Chris shrugged. “You're my papa.”

“Yes I am, peanut.”

“Do I really need a dad?”

Louis' breath hitched. Shit. “Well... don't you want a dad?”

Chris shrugged, wringing his hands together. “I don’t know... maybe...”

Louis noticed he was avoiding eye contact and sat as tense as possible. Sighing, he got up from the small bed. “Well think on it. Because Harry really wants to get to know you. And hang out maybe.”

Chris nodded, but stayed silent as Louis slowly walked out of the room.

XXX

Louis sighed staring at his phone. It was his break at work and he has been toying with the idea of finally texting Harry. It's been two days and Louis understands that he's being unreasonable. Before he lost his nerve once more, he typed out a simple message and hit send.

I'm sorry.

There. It was the most important thing to try and get across at the moment. After a moment he slapped his forehead and continued. 

It's Louis by the way.

Louis hey!

You haven’t contacted me. Got a bit scared. 

Louis frowned. Harry didn't acknowledge his apology, not that he really expected forgiveness. 

Where's Chris? How is he? Does he know about me already?

School. He doesn't get out until 3. And hes fine. 

Yes he knows now...

How did he react? Can I pick him up? 

Woah, uh – no. Louis shook his head and bit his lip. I'm sorry, but it'll be best if you don't. Chris doesn't know you much yet and he's still trying to understand that you're his dad.

He just needs time. 

“I need time.” Louis whispered to himself, staring at the phone, only imagining the hurt Harry must be feeling. He continued typing.

He's always wanted his dad but he's just scared. 

Of course. I understand.

Where are you?

Work. I'm on my break now actually.

Do you want to meet up today and talk?

I get off of work at 2:30, with only just enough time to just go pick up Chris.

I can pick you up and then him? If that's alright...

“Hey, Louis!” Steven the other waiter on duty at the moment walked into the break room. “It's getting pretty busy out there. Mind jumping in now?”

“Yupp, I'll be right out.” Louis said not even glancing up as Steven nodded and walked back out. Sighing he typed out a simple 'No, sorry'.

He stared at the phone and let out a harsh breath, guilt clawing up at him. 'How about dinner tonight? We can talk'.

XXX

At half past 6, Harry is parked outside of Louis apartment building. He is half an hour early but he was extremely nervous, wondered if he should bring something, went to the supermarket for wine, only to change his mind and get flowers. He had laughed at himself and threw the flowers back in their basket. He drove over to Toys R' Us and got Chris a Minecraft Lego set. Harry had recalled that he enjoys those a lot.

Now parked in the car, he still has way too much time before seven. Harry looked around the neighborhood a bit, noticing how uncared-for the building was and the small bodega in the corner. A woman with a tight cheetah print dress was talking to a man outside of it, her claw-like fake nails caressing his arm.

Scowling, Harry got out the car and locked it, deciding to just go inside. He was using up precious time. He ignored the stares from other people around the building and opened up the cracked glass door, running up the dingy wooden stairs. The hallways smelled like piss and smoke, but he continued walking until he reached apartment 4C.

He knocked, only after evening his heart beat. He heard a scrape of a chair and footsteps right before the door started clicking. After unlocking it, Louis swung the door open, a reproach already out out of his lips. “You're early.”

Harry struggles to reply, looking down at Louis. He looked different, Beard was still there but more trimmed and neat, a pair of black jeans hugging him tightly, and a white form-fitting t shirt. “Um.. yea.” Harry frowned, looking back up to meet blue eyes. “I am.”

“Some people might call that rude.” Louis chided, a teasing smile on his face. “But I just finished dinner early too, so I guess I could say you’re just in time.”

Harry slowly walked in after him. “I brought Christian a toy. I don't know if he'll like it but I just... I don't know.” Harry laughed, ranking a hand through his hair.

Louis looked over and smiled softly.”Thank you. If it's a toy, he'll love it.” He said softly, taking the gift bag from him. “He's here. I'll uh-go give this to him.”

Louis started backing out of the living room. 

“Can I...”

Louis gave a small sympathetic shake of his head. “I'll go talk to him. My moms coming in a bit to take him out to dinner – maybe take him for a bit to her house too.”

Harry deflated. He hoped the dinner would include Chris – or at least include seeing him for a bit. He went and settled himself on the couch, playing with the rings on his hand. It's for the better, Harry concluded. The talk Louis and him need to have shouldn’t include the small child just yet. There a lot of things that need to be talked over and a kid might be distracting – well distracting for harry who cant seem to take his eyes off him for too long.

He looked around the living room. It looked pretty bare and the furniture was mismatched, but overall was comfy. The pictures all over and bright, overly decorated Christmas tree made it feel homey. He looked to his right and picked up a portrait of Chris. It looked like a recent photograph of his school portrait, his navy uniform having the school's logo.

Eventually there’s another knock at the the door and Louis quickly leaves the bedroom to get it. “Mom hey, thank you for doing this again.”

“It's no problem sweetie! I love spending time with Chris, and this way you and Harry can talk.” He heard a voice come from the doorway, hidden from his view on the couch.

“Um, I'm going to go get him.” Louis glanced at Harry nervously as he walked away from the doorway and passed him, sliding back into the room.

Harry got up from his seat on the couch and hesitantly approached the hallway that faced the doorway. Once around the corner he paused, kind eyes meeting his own. Inclining his head, he greeted her, “Hello, Ma’am.”

Jay smiled softly, entering further into the house. “Hello, Harry right?”

“Uh – yes. Harry Styles.” He leaped forward and offered his hand immediately. 

“Jay Deakin. Nice to officially meet you. I met you a few times when you were just a small little boy.” Jay laughed, “You probably don’t remember.”

Harry smiled softly, “Sorry, no. But I've definitely heard about you from my mom.”

“Yea...” She trailed off, continuing to stare at him in wonder. “Wow. He takes so much after you. Like father like son, I suppose.”

Harry smiled proudly, “He does look like me, doesn’t he?”

Jay nodded, “Definitely can't deny he's your son.” Harry's smile dropped, as her eyes widened. “Oh no – not that you would. I'm sorry, I know...”

“Here he is mum,” Louis walked back in, little Chris in tow. Chris grabbed onto Louis' leg at the sight of Harry, his eyes wide and tense. “Thank you again so much for taking care of him tonight.”

“Oh, Louis, you know I’ll do it anytime you need me.” She waved her hand, slightly annoyed for him thinking she'll ever say no.

Louis nodded and smiled gratefully, then turned to his son and leveled him with a stern finger. “And you – behave okay? Listen to grandma.”

“Yes, papa.” Chris smiled widely, showing his mouthful of small baby teeth. He went forward to give Louis a hug around the waist, still eyeing Harry.

“Come one, sweet pea.” Jay extended her hand for Chris to take, but he hesitated. Slowly he walked over to where Harry was standing tensely.

“Will you be here tomorrow Mr. Harry?”

“Yes!” Harry gasped out, kneeling down to his level. “I'll be here if you want me to be.” 

Chris stared up at him and then nodded, finally taking Jay's hand. “Come one, Nana.” He sighed, as if shes the one who held them up.

Harry watched them walk out the door, still staring even after the door clicked shut after them.

Louis cleared his throat, waving a glass of wine for him to take. Apparently Harry has been standing for far longer than he thought he was. “Looks like you could use a bit now.”

Harry took it gratefully, taking a small sip of the sweet red. Not the quality he would buy, but alcohol is alcohol. Harry looked down at the wine, swishing it around the glass a bit. Last time alcohol was involved and they were together, things didn’t end well. Or ended a bit too well. 

Harry felt his face grow hot at the memory of sleeping with Louis so many years back. He looked back up to see Louis staring at him.

“...Well, um, I cooked. So dinner is ready if you want to...” Louis motioned awkwardly towards the kitchen, after a bit of silence. “If you want to have dinner now.”

Harry raised his eyebrows. “Uh sure!Yea... lets.” 

They settled themselves on the dining room table, where two plates of food sat waiting for them. 

They ate in silence for a bit, the air awkward and tense. 

“The food is delicious.” Harry commented after a while, not looking up from his plate.

“Thank you. Just something I learned form me mum. If it wasn’t for her lessons, me and Chris would’ve been obese from all the pizza and Chinese.”

Harry laughed a bit with him. “Well that pretty much sums up my meals back home. Don’t really have the time to cook. Or shop for groceries.”

Louis hummed, “You said you’re a lawyer?”

Harry nodded, looking at him now. “Yea... I work at this law firm in London. Got hired right after graduation a couple years back.”

“And you prosecute people?”

Harry nodded, “Just lots of court dates and paperwork on most days.”

Louis nodded giving him a sheepish smile, “Bet it beats serving people for hours every day.”

Harry shrugged, and opened his mouth to say something but then shut it immediately. What does he say to that? Sorry you had a baby and had to quit your education? Sorry I got to go to uni while you stayed home to take care of Chris? Harry shoved a mouthful of chicken in his mouth and Louis looked away, both aware of the tension.

There was still a lot to say but neither had no idea how to start. Harry cleared his throat and decided to just spit something out. “So you did go to tell me. My mum told me you went to go look for me that summer.”

Louis nodded, taking a sip of his wine. “Did – did you tell her?

Harry nodded. “She's very excited, and took it a lot better than I did.” He laughs.

“You actually seem to be taking it really well, from what I can see.”

Harry rolls his eyes, “Yea well if you saw the proper meltdown I had at my mums you would say the contrary.”

Louis snorts into his glass, “Imagine me when I had found out. I didn’t even know I could carry.”

“Bet you would’ve been a lot more careful.”

Louis shrugged, swallowing a mouthful of mashed potatoes. “Most likely. It was that same year I realized I was even attracted to guys.”

“Really?” Harry paused, “So you and Zayn weren’t a thing throughout high school?”

Louis almost chocked laughing, “What?! Was that a legit rumor?”

Harry smiled and nodded, “Oh definitely. Some people, even teachers, at least suspected.”

“God, that so... no.” Louis looked down at his food sadly. “Na... he's – he was my best friend.”

“Was?”

Louis shrugged. “You know how things go after high school. Friends become acquaintances. Acquaintances become strangers.” 

Harry frowned, “I'm sorry.”

Louis laughed, “You're sorry?! Harry no. Don’t pretend...” Louis shook his head and leaned back. “Don’t pretend you give a damn that me and Zayn aren’t friends anymore. It's really unnecessary... just very fake.”

“I'm trying to be polite. But you're right. I could care less. Hated him almost as much as I hated you.”

Louis flinched. “Damn, don’t hold back or anything.”

Harry gave him a serious look, “Oh trust me I am.”

“Being sarcastic.” Louis whispered, pushing his food around his plate. 

“Sorry, but what did you expect? I'm still struggling with...” Harry waved his hand in his direction.

“Being a dad?” Louis helped out.

“No, you!”

Louis scowled not expecting that.

“You are so different from the Louis I remembered. The Louis I know was... mean. Just... selfish and prideful. Conceited and...”

“I get it.” Louis nodded. “I'm different. I really, really am Harry. He's helped me in that regard – Chris. I'm a lot calmer.” Louis smiled self-deprecatingly. “Before him I was definitely always a short fuse, easy to irritate.”

“I would know...” Harry whispered to his plate.

Louis put his fork down, letting it clank loudly with his plate, “Will you ever, ever forgive me? Because we can't... we couldn’t even try to begin being parents to Chris with all this still in between us.”

Harry leaned back on his chair, giving Louis an appraising look. “You just, represent so much. So much pain in my past. And now I’m supposed to forgive? It's hard. High school.... was a nightmare.”

Louis shook his head in disbelief. “There’s only so many times I can say I'm sorry.”

Harry shook his head, “Look, it was definitely more than just you Louis. It was my parent’s divorce, Gemma leaving me alone with mum after my dad left, the other kids in school, me accepting I'm gay and,” Harry laughed looking up at the ceiling, “And realizing I'm even more weirder than usual. Me leaving, for college was the best thing I thought could happen to me. And now it's my biggest regret.” He looked back at the blue-eyed father to his baby. “Louis, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not giving you a chance to be my friend. For making you feel as if you couldn’t tell me you were pregnant.”

Louis smiled softly, “Well, I think... we need to move on. Or at least now agree to try.”

Harry nodded after a moment of hesitation, “Yea... we do.”

“And what did you decide what to do? With the whole Chris situation... you do live in London.”

“Well, for started, I guess I'll be visiting as often as I can for now. Maybe take him out to dinner a few tines – if he ever feels comfortable to do so that is.”

“He will, he'll get there. He just... needs time, Harry. He's too young to really get all of this. And yea dinner once in a while sounds fine.”

“And maybe one day you'll let him visit me in London?”

Louis swallowed a dry piece of chicken with effort. “Um, yea one day. I think he's too young to take the train alone though.”

“With me – he'll be traveling with me. I'll pick him up, drop him off.” Harry was quick to explain. He was going to suggest Louis come to London as well, but maybe having Louis stay in Doncaster is for the better. London was Harry's turf for at least a little while longer. 

Louis has to make sure that Harry wants this before he goes any further. “And you’re sure, positive, you want to do this? Spend your weekends driving back and forth?”

“I'm so serious about this Louis. I want nothing more.” Harry scooted a bit forward in earnest. 

“But before he goes to London... are there, like, any other influences in your house?” Louis avoided looking at him as he asked.

“What are you asking?” Harry furrowed his eyebrows, not understanding.

“Is there someone living with you? A wife? Girlfriend? I don’t know if I feel comfortable with my son in the same home as a stranger.” 

Harry inhaled sharply. “Okay well – no, I live on my own. But let's make it clear that even if I did. Chris should still come and stay. I am his father and I wouldn’t let anyone hurt him Louis. Ever. And the fact that you think I would let someone in my home and hurt him is insulting. I would never even hold someone in higher regard than him. Second, for the past 6 years I had no idea of Chris, let alone who he's been surrounded by.”

Oh this was heading south, Louis cursed himself. “No, I know. I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to say you'll let someone hurt him. But I just... I don’t even let him sleepover at a friends house. Hes only ever been at my mum's or here, in his own bed.”

“Well... this is me.” Harry said simply. “And when he's ready, I want him with me too.”

“Well okay. But a day at a time Harry. Just don't know if he'll even want to yet.”

Harry sighed, “I know, I know. This is just frustrating. I want him to be comfortable with me, but I know it'll take time. It'll take a lot of time. But I really would one day like him to come to London, he'll have his own room in my house whenever he stays. My mom would like to meet him as well. I wan to be with him on Christmas, his birthday, my birthday...”

“Well we'll plan on those when we get there.” Louis sighed, his head starting to hurt. He reached for his wine glass and took a big gulp.

Harry raised a finger, “Oh and before I forget...” He took out his wallet and pulled out a shiny navy blue card. Louis felt his stomach fill with dread when he slid it over to him. It said Christian Avery Tomlinson. “This is for Chris. You are obviously in charge of the account as well as me until he is eighteen. I deposited 20,000 earlier today-”

“No.”

Harry stuttered, “E-excuse me?”

“No.” Louis shook his head, taking another drink from his glass.

“Well I think that decision is-”

Louis interrupted again with a laugh. “You’re insane. Depositing 20,000!”

“It's for Chris!”

“I still don’t feel right having that with me! We live in an unsafe neighborhood and-”

“Well maybe its about time you looked about moving elsewhere!”

Louis stared at him in disbelief. “This is what I can afford. Me. I got this apartment with my own money and I'm damn proud of being able to.”

“It is unsafe. If you had the means wouldn’t you-”

“We don’t have the means.”:

Harry waved the plastic card at him. “You do now.”

“Let's not talk about this. I'm not moving.” Louis stated matter-of- factly.

“Alright,” Harry conceded (for now), putting up his hands. “But you still have to take the card. What if Chris needs something? More clothes? Food? A toy?”

Louis snorted and ran a hand across his face. “Fine.” With his eyes closed, he offered up his palm for the damn card, cringing when it touched his hand. “But I wont use it.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Just do. It's about time I paid my dues, don’t you think? Stop being stubborn and making Chris suffer just because you’re too proud.”

“Making him suffer?.”

Harry closed his eyes, not believing he let that word out of his mouth. “Not the right word.”

“You have no right. None. You have no idea how hard its been. How much I struggled being an only parent. I did my best. And I gave him everything I could! So you cant just come in and judge me.”

“No ones judging! Juts let me help! Let me struggle as well then! You’re right I have no idea how its been but I wish I did! I had no choice! None! You took that from me! You decided for me how my life was supposed to go!”

Louis looked away, hiding the tears welling up in his eyes

“I couldn’t see you pregnant with him, I couldn’t see him be born, see him as a baby. I couldn’t help with the late night feedings or crying, I couldn’t see his first steps or his first word. So don’t you dare yell at me for coming into your life and intruding! You don't know how it feels, how much it hurts not to have those memories.”

They stayed quiet breathing heavily, then Louis stood up from his seat, the chair scraping loudly against the floor. He left Harry alone in the kitchen, allowing him a moment to bury his face into his hands. He only resurfaced when Louis came back with thick leather books in his hands.

Dropping them all in front of Harry, Louis sat back and watched silently as Harry slowly understood what Louis was showing him. In front of him were albums and scrapbooks. He slowly opened up the blue big one on top.

It was a scrapbook of Louis pregnancy. The first ultrasound, pictures of Louis in sweats lounging about, a small baby shower with what looked like his family... and the birth.

Harry stopped breathing when he looked at the small bundle in the arms of an eighteen year old Louis. It looked like they were in the hospital bed, Louis looking deathly pale, tired, and small in his hospital gown. He flipped to the next page, where a close up of Chris made him smile. 

“Can I... can I have one?” Harry stared up at him after seeing another couple close ups of Chris.

“Yea, of course!” Louis smiled, his heart melting at the sight of Harry tenderly touching the pictures of their son. “Take whatever you want. Honestly.”

Harry beamed up him, blinding Louis for a second. “Thank you... there are some that I saw...” With that said, Harry started flipping through all the albums, occasionally taking out some for himself. Some he even pulled out his phone to take pictures of.

An idea popped into Louis mind. Taking out his phone, Louis started sending Harry some of the pictured in his camera roll – the one with Chris of course. Chris dressed as batman last Halloween, Chris singing in his school choir, in the park, etc.

“Can I have this one?”

Louis looked up and raised his eyebrows. “The one where I look like a whale?” He laughed and started sliding the picture of a pregnant Louis away from him, “Um no.”

Harry swatted his hands away and took the picture back, placing it on the pile of pictures hes keeping for himself anyways.

Louis blushed and stared confused at the growing pile next to Harry. Why would he want that picture?

XXX

Louis sighed in relief when the last load of laundry was finally folded. He was extremely tired, but Chris needed his uniform washed for tomorrow morning, but the appearance of Harry in their lives successfully distracted him from his many chores. 

Putting aside a fresh set of clothes for Chris in the morning aside, Louis got up to start getting ready for bed. While brushing his teeth, he sighed happily from the day's events. It didn’t go too bad at all! Some passive aggressive comments here and there... those are fine! Acceptable. 

Louis shuffled back into the living room, pulling out his bed from the couch and covering it with its sheets. 

He hears the creak of the floorboard by Chris room and small sniffles, and turned around to see his munchkin standing by the entrance to the living room drying his tears with the back of his hand.

“Baby... c'mere.” He sat on his bed, just in time to catch the small kid in his arms. He kissed his dark curls and hugged him tightly. “Peanut whats wrong? Why are you crying?”

“Papa.. wheres my daddy?” Chris cried, pulling his head back. Green teary eyes stared pleadingly into his own, breaking his heart. 

Louis continuing massaging his hair away from his tear-stained face, shocked at the word 'daddy'. “He's home sleeping baby.”

Chris re buried his face in Louis neck, “What if he doesn’t want me anymore? What if he leaves us again? Does he hate me? Is that why... is that why he didn’t want me?”

Louis gasped, pushing him softly off him so he can give him a stern look. “Baby he will never leave you. Not again. And of course he wants you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me and he'll lose out on such an amazing, perfect child.” He kissed his son with each adjective, slowly trying to make him smile. “He loves you, peanut. He tells me so every time he sees me. And this is even after I told him you eat like a little monster.” Louis smacked another big kiss on his head.

“Can I sleep here papa?” Chris muttered softly, snuggling closer to him. 

“Of course, peanut.”

XXX

“Harry where the fuck are you?”

Harry groaned into the phone, “Liam, It's 3 in the morning. I'm in Doncaster, never mind in bed already.”

“Well, we need you back mate, like right now.”

Harry sat up quickly. “What happened?”

“Harry, just please get over here. Now.”


End file.
